


Modern Love

by plzdean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, College Student Dean, High School Student Castiel, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Secret Relationship, Sex in the Impala, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plzdean/pseuds/plzdean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the summer of 1997 and Dean Winchester is back from college for a three month summer vacation. After meeting a boy called Castiel in a coffee shop and giving him his number, Dean learns that Castiel is his younger brother's best friend, but that doesn't stop the two forming a secret relationship. Both Dean and Castiel know that nobody can know about their relationship because of the five year age gap, so what desperate lengths will they go to in order to keep their relationship a secret? How much damage will one slip up cause? How much are the two willing to sacrifice in order to be with each other, even though they both know how it will eventually end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Modern Love

It was the summer of 1997, and Castiel was sat in the back of Sam’s brother’s Impala with Sam sitting beside him. He wasn’t really listening to what Sam was saying – he was talking about football or baseball or _something_ – because the only thing Castiel could focus on was Dean, Sam’s older brother. He sitting there in the front seat with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a cigarette balanced between his fingers hanging out the open window as he drove down the highway. The sun was hitting him at just the right angle, highlighting the perfect structure of his bones and illuminating the green of his eyes so that Castiel could see them almost glowing in the reflection of the wind mirror.

Every so often Dean would catch Castiel’s eye in the mirror and wink, and Castiel would have to try his hardest not to react because ‘ _Sam can’t know’_. When Sam looked over at him and nearly caught the exchange of glances between his best friend and older brother, Castiel pretended to be looking at his own reflection in the mirror fixing his hair or rubbing his eye or whatever he could think of. Dean would run his hand through his own hair as he looked back out the wind mirror as if the only thing he was focused on was the driving and not the seventeen year old boy he was in love with sitting in the back seat. 

“Have you even listened to a thing I’ve said?” Sam asked suddenly, nearly catching Castiel and Dean off guard for the third time within five minutes of the short journey they’d embarked on from Sam’s house to the high school (Dean didn’t usually give Castiel and Sam a lift to school but as it was the last day of the semester he made an exception).

“What? Uh, yeah, New York Yankees. I get it.” Castiel mumbled, pretending to be occupied looking out of his window.

“Boston Red Sox.” Sam corrected with a sigh as he sat back in his chair. “What is it with you today? I know you never listen but you usually listen more than _this_.”

“I am listening, Sam. Just maybe you should try talking about something I actually care about.” Castiel said vacantly.

“Like what? Bowie? Because fuck Bowie, okay? Bowie sucks.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Castiel said suddenly, turning to look at Sam. “Leave Bowie out of this.”

“Bowie dresses and sings like a fag and he-”

“Hey, Sammy, stop that.” Dean said, quickly looking back at his brother. “Both of you just need to calm down. Sam, don’t talk shit about Bowie and, dammit kid, I don’t want to hear you calling anybody a ‘fag’ again, okay? Castiel just listen to Sam whining on about the Red Sox and then we’ll be all alright.” 

Both boys rolled their eyes at each other as the car pulled up outside the school. Sam got out of the car first and went round to the trunk to grab his bag.

“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?” Dean whispered quietly to the boy still sitting in the back of the car.

“Somebody will see. Sam will see.” Castiel smiled shyly.

“Not if it’s quick.” Dean said. He shifted round in his seat to face the younger boy and reached out to stroke his cheek. “Sammy will never see a thing.”

Castiel gave in and leaned forwards a little, but it was too late because Sam re-opened the car door and threw Castiel’s school bag at him. “Hurry up, asshole.”

Dean pouted jokingly and pulled away. “You better go.”

“Yeah. See you later.” Castiel sighed as he climbed towards the open door.

“Go enjoy your last day of school knowing you didn’t give me a kiss before I drove off into the unknown possibilities of the world. I could die today and you’ll have to live with knowing you didn’t give me my kiss.” Dean sighed. “Just think…I got back home from college for summer vacation two weeks early, fell in love with a kid who knows full well that I’ve gotta leave for Michigan again in three months and he won’t even give me a simple kiss.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Or you could risk Sam finding out that his twenty-two year old brother is in a secret relationship with his seventeen year old best friend.”

Dean sighed. “Guess I’ll just have to wait for tonight then.”

“Yeah, you’ll just have to. I’ll see you later, okay. Go get a burger or something.”

***

“Took your time.” Sam muttered as Castiel finally emerged from the car.

“Dean was just telling me about the end of semester pranks he used to play on his teachers.” Castiel shrugged. 

“Whatever. We’ve got biology first, right?”

 

** Two weeks earlier **

Dean Winchester hadn’t always had a habit of chatting up seventeen year old boys sitting alone in coffee shops, but this one in particular was the most beautiful kid he’d ever seen. And he was just sitting there all blue eyed and naïve as Dean stole glances at him from the next table.

Dean cleared his throat and turned to face him. “Dunno what a guy like you is doing sitting alone in a coffee shop.”

The boy looked up at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just that I’d expect a guy with a face like yours to be with a girlfriend or something.”

“A face like mine?”

“You’ve got a pretty face. A, um, a _really_ pretty face.”

The blue-eyed boy frowned. “Are you being sarcastic?”

“What? No. No, I’m not being sarcastic. I just think you’re really, uh, good looking. That’s all. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a girlfriend or even, maybe…a boyfri-”

“I’m not dating anyone.” The boy said quickly. “And I’m alone because I’m waiting for a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah, a _friend_.”

“Oh.” He took a deep breath and asked, “So if I was to give you my number, you’d take it?”

“What? How old are you, like thirty or something?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m twenty two.”

“You’re five years older than me. Isn’t that a little bit weird?”

“Weird? I don’t think so. I just know that I’d be willing to give you my number if you promised you’d call me tonight.”

The young boy blushed. “Are you flirting with me?”

“If you’re gonna be outright about it – yes. I guess I _am_ flirting with you.”

“Well give me your number then. And make it quick because my friend is going to be here any minute and he doesn’t know that I…um…he doesn’t know that I like guys.”

Dean laughed and grabbed a napkin from the table and a pen from his bag. “My name’s Dean by the way.”

“I’m Castiel.”

“Nice to meet you Castiel.” Dean smiled as he placed the folded napkin on the table in front of Castiel.

 

Castiel looked up suddenly, grabbed the napkin, shoved it into his pocket and turned away from Dean.

“Your friend’s here now, I take it?” Dean mumbled from the other table keeping his head forward. 

He looked up at Castiel in time to see him nod quickly just as his younger brother Sam approached the table. 

“Sammy?” Dean frowned.

“Sam!” Castiel grinned.

Dean frowned over at Castiel and then up at Sam.

“Dean? What are you doing here?” His younger brother asked.

“Just drinking coffee. What are _you_ doing here?”

“Meeting my friend.” He said, sitting down in the chair opposite Castiel. When Dean looked over at Castiel he was sitting there with his mouth gaping open. “This is Castiel by the way.”

Castiel waved awkwardly. “Hey.”

“You two are…friends?” Dean choked.

“Yeah. Best friends actually. He moved to town about a year ago so I’m not surprised that you didn’t realise you were sitting next to each other. I’m gonna go get a coffee. Do you guys want anything?”

They both shook their heads.

“I’ll be right back.” Sam smiled as he got up from the table and headed towards the counter.

Dean turned to Castiel suddenly. “I swear to god, I had no idea you were friends with my brother.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” Castiel said quietly. “He can’t know, okay?”

“Can’t know what?”

“He can’t know that I’ve got your number. I’ll call you later but you’ve got to promise not to tell him.”

“Okay. I promise I won’t tell him. It’s probably for the best…I wouldn’t want to make things awkward.” Dean shrugged.

“ _Awkward_? This whole goddamn situation is _awkward_. You should probably leave.”

“What? Okay, I’m going. Just don’t forget to call me, okay? Because if you forget I’m going to be raiding my brother’s bedroom looking for a telephone book and I’m pretty sure that will raise suspicion.” Dean said as he tucked his chair neatly behind the table just as Sam approached them again.

“Leaving?” Sam asked as he sat back down opposite his friend.

“Yeah. Got some stuff to do. See you later Sammy.” Dean said ruffling his younger brother’s hair.

Just as Dean reached the door, he turned back and winked at Castiel who found himself blushing furiously. And that was the first time Castiel Novak met Dean Winchester.


	2. Chapter 2

The first couple of times Dean and Castiel met up in secret were just midnight meet-ups in the park, nothing special. Castiel didn’t really mind much because Dean would always offer him his jacket if he got cold and pull him close if he began to shiver. At first it was weird for Castiel to get to know someone in that way; to have someone caring for him in a way that was more than just a friendship. But after a while he began to crave Dean’s company; midnight meet-ups in the cold simply weren’t enough anymore.

Castiel would call Dean up at five AM before school and the two would sit in the back seat of Dean’s impala with the heaters on, just sitting close talking about anything they could think of:

“Ziggy Stardust was his best era. There’s no arguing against that.” Castiel said excitedly looking up at Dean.

“Why would _anybody_ argue against that?” Dean laughed. “Those fucking outfits, man. He was so hot.”

“I’d fuck him.”

Dean laughed. “You seem so young and naïve to me, yet you talk about fucking a person like it’s nothing. Have you _even_ lost your virginity?”

Castiel’s face reddened and he looked out the window.

“Cas?”

Castiel shrugged. “Maybe I haven’t. What’s it matter to you?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. I love you all the same.”  Dean looked over at Castiel sitting in the seat beside him and smiled. “And I know you love me too.” 

The younger boy bit his lip shyly as Dean put his arm around him shoulders. He then pulled him closer and kissed the top of Castiel’s head. Castiel looked up and whispered, “I wish I could stay with you all day.”

***

“This game’s fucking bullshit.” Sam hissed throwing his controller onto the beanbag behind him. Castiel looked up at Sam and then to the television screen, but decided it would be best not to comment and returned his gaze to the book in his lap. It was the third day of summer vacation and Castiel knew there’d be plenty of other occasions where Sam would expect him to sit and watch him play his games, so ignoring him this time wouldn’t hurt. “Stupid Lara Croft never makes the fucking jump.”

“Don’t blame her. You’re the one playing the stupid game.” Castiel shrugged nonchalantly from beside him.

“Why don’t you help me instead of reading that- I don’t even know what the hell that crap is.”

“I don’t wanna play your crappy game. I wanna go get something to eat like you _said_ we could.”

“I said we’d go and get food _once_ I finished this level.”

“You’ve been stuck on that level for two hours.” Castiel sighed.

“Then go get something outta the kitchen.” Sam said dismissively as he restarted the level for the twenty-sixth time. 

“Sammy, stop being a lazy little bitch.” Dean called to his younger brother from behind the magazine he was reading on the sofa behind them.

“ _You_ go make us lunch then.” 

“I’m not your bitch, Sammy.” Dean said flatly.

Castiel stood up suddenly and sighed. “I’ll go make lunch.”

“And I’ll help, seeing as Sam can’t be bothered to get off his lazy ass.”

Dean followed Castiel into the kitchen and shut the door behind them. Once they were finally alone, Dean pushed Castiel gently into the countertop and took his hands as he brushed his lips and nose gently over the soft skin of Castiel’s cheek. He then held Castiel’s face in his hands for a few seconds, running his thumbs over the soft skin of his cheeks smiling honestly as he bit his lip. Castiel looked up at Dean and blushed before jumping up to kiss him properly. The kiss lasted longer than Castiel expected it to, and he found Dean cupping the back of his neck gently with one hand, the other linking his fingers with his own.

“You didn’t meet me in the park on Friday like you said you would. I missed you, you know.” Dean said softly. “I had a little something planned for you to celebrate no more school since I didn’t get that kiss you promised me when I dropped you off, and this is the first time I’ve got you alone in two days.”

“I’m sorry…I was grounded and dad wouldn’t let me use the phone.” Castiel pouted. Dean just smiled at him and kissed him again in response, lips moving slowly against his own. This time the kiss was heavier; he felt Dean’s teeth nipping at his bottom lip and his hands found their way to Castiel’s waist. Castiel held Dean’s arm in one hand, the other holding the countertop behind him just in case the weightless feeling in his joints caused his knees to give way. Once they finally broke their kiss Castiel breathed, “Maybe I should get grounded more often if you’re gonna kiss me like that.”

Dean pulled him close again and placed his lips on Castiel’s neck, whispering, “That’s not the worst I wanna do to you right now.” 

Castiel felt a tight sensation in his stomach and a heat that spread to his crotch. He gently pushed Dean back a little and found his face reddening as Dean glanced at the bulge in his jeans.

“Just wait ‘till I get to spend the night with you.” Dean said softly, reaching out to take the younger boy’s hands just as the kitchen door opened. Dean stepped away from Castiel and grabbed a loaf of bread from the countertop instead.

“What’s taking so long?” Sam asked. “Making a sandwich takes thirty goddamn seconds.”

Dean stepped out in front of Castiel so that Sam wouldn’t notice his friend’s crotch and pushed him gently towards the door. “We were just arguing over what type of bread to use.”

Sam frowned. “We only have one type of bread.”

“Exactly.” Dean said. “Why don’t you just go finish your little game and we’ll bring the sandwiches out when they’re done.”

“Might as well make it myself.” Sam sighed stepping away from Dean, pushing Castiel out of the way of the cupboard where the plates were kept. He grabbed three and set them out in a row, then took the loaf of bread from Dean’s hands and opened the bag. He pulled out six slices and placed two on each plate before grabbing a tub of butter, a packet of cheese and an unopened bag of lettuce of the kitchen.

Castiel got bored of watching Sam prepare the sandwiches and returned to the living room where he resumed his place on the floor with his book. Dean followed after him and grabbed the controller from Sam’s beanbag and restarted the game he had been playing.

“What the hell is this Tomb Raider shit anyway?” Dean muttered as he made the jump Sam had been struggling with for the past two hours. He then placed the controller back in Sam’s place and leaned over to kiss Castiel on the cheek. “I’ll see you later. Gotta get some things for a party I’m having in a few days.”

“Oh, right.” Castiel sighed.

“I’ll call you about it later, okay? Mom, dad and Sammy are gonna be out of town and I couldn’t have a party without you being there.”

Castiel smiled. “Okay. Talk to you later.”

Dean got up and headed towards the door just as Sam entered the room with three plates of sandwiches. 

“Where are you going?” Sam frowned. “I made you a sandwich…you can’t just _leave_.”

“Sammy, I’ve got better things to do with my time than hang about with a couple of seventeen year old kids.”

Sam rolled his eyes and sat back down in his beanbag. Dean waited until Castiel turned around, mouthed ‘love you’, and then he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bit of almost-non-con in this chapter, so this is just a warning in case you're sensitive to that kind of thing.

Castiel turned up to Dean's party nearly an hour late, mostly because it took him a while to convince his dad that it was Sam's party (totally not his 22 year old brother's), but also due to the fact he was kind of nervous about going. Dean had arranged the party especially because Sam and his parents had gone to spend the week end with relatives, which meant not only would he be the youngest person there, but he wouldn't know anybody apart from Dean.

Thankfully it was Dean who answered the door; he took Castiel's hand and pulled him inside before some guy he'd never seen before shoved a bottle of beer into his hands.

"Baby, I was starting to think you weren't gonna come." Dean grinned drunkenly.

Castiel didn't reply. He just huffed and followed Dean into the living room full of wasted college kids. Dean sat down on the sofa between two girls and pulled Castiel onto his lap with his arms securely around his waist.

"Dean, your boy's kinda cute." A blonde girl giggled from beside him. Castiel looked down at her and then down at his hands as he picked the skin around his finger nails nervously.

“He’s not cute. He’s beautiful. And he’s _mine_.” Dean said with a lop-sided smile. Castiel couldn’t help but let himself smile at that; Dean had never called him beautiful before. But then he guessed that maybe it was just the alcohol talking. The girls around him 'awwwww-ed' loudly and it made Castiel feel uncomfortable. He didn't want to be there. He _really_ didn't want to be there.

“I’ll be right back…just gonna get another drink.” Castiel said suddenly. He pulled himself out of Dean’s grip and made his way to the empty kitchen where grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and jumped up onto the countertop where he could still see Dean sitting in the living room.

He could hardly hear himself think over the sound of the music and the voices of the drunken guys who seemed to massively outnumber the girls. And what small amount of girls were there were busy in the corners of the room on a guy’s lap. Castiel found it uncomfortable to lay eyes on them for even a second.

He sighed and resigned his eyes to his water bottle, watched the way the air bubbles in his water floated to the top again when he turned the bottle upside down and wished that he had _some_ way to get home that wouldn’t involve Dean driving drunk or his father finding out he was at actually party full of college kids, not some crappy video game party with Sam.

Castiel didn’t even know what he was thinking agreeing to go to a party like this; there’s no way in hell he’d ever enjoy himself at a party where he didn’t know anybody apart from the host. He didn’t even like drinking alcohol; getting drunk with strangers was never something he’d ever dreamed of doing. He only agreed to come because Dean had practically begged him on the phone the night before:

“I don’t wanna have a party without you, Cas. Just think of it as an opportunity to meet some of my friends…and to be with me at home when there’s nobody around who’s likely to have a problem with us being together.”

“I don’t know, Dean…I-”

“Please, Cas.” Dean sighed. “For me?”

There was a long silence.

“You can stay the night too if you want…I’d like that and I _know_ you’d like it too.”

“I won’t know anybody.” Castiel sighed.

“You’ll know _me_. And my friends are super friendly when they’re drunk.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I’m only asking you to come because I love you and I just really want to be with you in my _own_ home for a while. My family are away for the whole week end…and I want to spend the night with you.”

Castiel found himself blushing from the other end of the telephone. “But I…Just…Okay, fine. I’ll come.”

There was a breath of relief from Dean’s end. “Thanks, Cas. It’ll be great, I promise.”

***

“Babyyyyyyy. What’re you doing in here by yourself?”

Castiel looked up to see Dean stumbling towards him. He really was _wasted_. “Had a headache.” He lied.

“But they’re playing your favourite song! You know…the one that goes: _we can be heroes just for one day_.”

Castiel couldn’t help but smile at his attempt to sing. “I just wanted to be alone for a bit, Dean. Too many people in there.”

Something flashed over Dean’s face and he suddenly looked up into Castiel’s eyes. “Why don’t we go hang out in my bedroom for a bit? Just me and you?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” Castiel smiled.

“Well…come on then.” Dean grinned. He took Castiel by the hand and pulled him out of the kitchen and into the hallway then up the stairs. Castiel had seen Dean’s bedroom before but it wasn’t exactly a _bedroom_ as such. All his belongings had been removed when he moved out to go to college so Castiel wasn’t even aware it was even a bedroom when he’d seen it before. Even now, Dean’s only belongings were his suitcase and a couple of cardboard boxes that had been sat in the corner of the room for god-knows-how-long.

Dean shut the door and turned to face Castiel. He stepped forward, took the younger boy’s face in his hands and began to kiss him. Kiss him hard. At first it took Castiel by surprise; he’d never been kissed like that before by _anyone_ and he found it hard to keep up with. The feeling of having someone else’s tongue in his mouth was one Castiel had to get used to.

Then he found himself being pushed onto the bed with Dean sitting on top of him. When he looked up at Dean, the look in his eyes scared him. He looked hungry, desperate, _starved_ …and then he found Dean’s hands making their way into his jeans, one hurriedly undoing his flies, the other desperately trying to pull the jeans from his body.

“Dean, stop.” Castiel said suddenly as a flash of panic began to flare around his body. “Please get off me.”

“Mmm, no, Cas. Wanna fuck you.” Dean mumbled before he began to suck on his neck. Castiel tried to force himself out from under Dean but it was no use; the older boy was far too heavy and _determined_.

“Get off me! DEAN!” He tried to push Dean’s face away but he suddenly found the other boy’s mouth on his own again, moving hard.

Castiel began to cry. He felt damn stupid for crying when Dean hadn’t _even_ managed to fully unzip his jeans, but the fear in his blood and the desperate need to get away were beginning to overwhelm him. He found one of Dean’s hands gripping at his hair making it harder for him to break the kiss and he suddenly felt helpless and weak; Dean was going to get his way whether he wanted it or not.

“Why’re you crying, baby? Don’t you love me? Don’t you want this?” Dean mumbled drunkenly, sliding his other hand under Castiel’s shirt slowly moving against him.

Castiel shook his head desperately. “GET OFF ME! You’re drunk and I don’t want to do this now. Just _please_ let me go”

Dean sat up and looked down at the boy beneath him with dark eyes. “Just wanna fuck you, Cas. Wanna fuck you right now.”

Castiel saw his opportunity and he took it; he sat up and punched Dean hard across the jaw. Dean stumbled off from on top of Castiel and staggered backwards until he hit a wall.

“What the hell was that for, baby? Don’t you love me anymore?”

Castiel looked up at Dean one last time before bursting into yet another fit of tears. He tried to re-zip his jeans but his hands were shaking too much. Instead he just ran out of the bedroom into the bathroom where he locked the door behind him. He sat against the cold tiled walls and pulled his knees up to his chest where he stayed with his eyes shut tight to stop the tears, telling himself over and over that ‘Dean didn’t mean it…it was just the alcohol making him act like that…he was wasted…he was probably high…he never would’ve wanted to hurt me like that…not ever…he _loves_ me…he loves me, _right_?...he says that a lot so it must be true.’

After nearly two hours of sitting there on the bathroom floor alone, he slowly opened the door and found the Dean was no longer sitting there anymore like he had been before asking him if he was okay. Dean knew that what he’d tried to do had upset Castiel. He felt bad, that was certain, but Castiel didn’t care for an apology. Castiel just wanted to be left alone until the shaking stopped and the tears passed. He just wanted to forget the whole thing.

Slowly he crept into Sam’s room - it was nice being somewhere familiar where he felt safe – and climbed into his bed. He pulled the covers up around his shoulders and let the darkness of the room lull him to sleep.

***

The next morning he woke with Dean fast asleep on the floor and a heap of post-it notes under his head. He sat up pulling one of the notes from where it was stuck in his hair and unfolded it:

‘ _I love you Cas. So much_.’

Another read: ‘ _Words cannot describe how sorry I am. I know that a stupid note can’t make up for what I tried to do to you. Just remember that I didn’t mean to hurt you like that._ ’

‘ _To me you’re the most beautiful person in the world_.’

 _‘I’d understand if you never wanted to see me again, but I need you more than you know_. I _don’t want you to go. I don’t wanna lose you_.’

 _‘You’re perfect and I’m sorry. I just need to know that you’re okay_.’

‘ _If I sing Bowie to you will you forgive me? (If not, read the next note anyway).’_

Castiel picked the last note up and unfolded it: _‘“If you say run, I'll run with you. If you say hide, we'll hide because my love for you would break my heart in two.”’_

Castiel sat up in Sam’s bed and looked down at Dean with an uncertain smile; the state of the handwriting and the frequent misspelt words showed that Dean had obviously written these notes when he was still drunk, but it meant a lot to him anyway.

 After watching him sleep for long enough, Castiel carefully climbed down to the floor and sat beside him stroking his hair gently.

“I do love you Dean,” Castiel whispered, “but you can be a huge asshole sometimes.”

He was about to lean down and kiss the top of his head when he heard the front door open and the sound of Dean’s family’s voices entering the house.

“Shit, Dean, you’ve gotta wake up.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Dean! Wake up!” Castiel shook Dean hard as the sounds of footsteps up the stairs grew closer and closer.

Dean stirred slightly and then woke, looking up at Castiel with red hung-over eyes. 

“Your family’s back already. Sam’s coming!”

Dean climbed to his feet as quickly as he could, nearly falling over into a chest of drawers. “Shit.” Dean hissed as the door opened. 

Castiel grabbed the post-it notes from the bed and shoved them into his pocket as Sam emerged in the door way.

“ _Castiel_? _Dean_? What the _hell_? What are you doing in here?” Sam looked up at Dean for an explanation but he had none.

“Just came over to, uh, borrow that game you were playing the other day. You know…the Cave Raider one, or whatever it’s called.” Castiel lied. “I forgot you weren’t here when I came round but Dean let me in. He’s just helping me look for it.”

Sam frowned. “You mean _Tomb_ Raider.”

Castiel laughed weakly. “Yeah. That’s the one.”

“But you _hate_ video games.”

“I just wanted to play it, Sam. Why the hell would I be in your bedroom with your brother if I didn’t?”

“He’s right.” Dean grunted. “Can you just help us find it so I can get back to bed?”

Sam grabbed a play station box from the bedside table next to Castiel and forced it into his hands. “Wasn’t _that_ hard to find.”

“Thanks.” Castiel mumbled. “I…uh…I think I’m gonna go now.”

“Why? I’ve only just got here.” Sam frowned.

“Just came to borrow the game. I’ll probably see you tomorrow or something.” Castiel said quietly. “See you guys later.”

***

Castiel didn’t see Dean later that day. In fact he purposely avoided his calls and didn’t answer the door when he knocked. 

But after nearly three days of avoiding Dean he began to miss him. He’d see Dean in his dreams or find himself imagining things he would say if he was there. Even after what Dean did, or _nearly_ did, Castiel couldn’t quite bring himself to hate the man. He _had_ apologised profusely after all, but something deep down told Castiel that maybe he shouldn’t have given into him that easily; the worst part was that he had nobody to talk about it with. Maybe if he had somebody else’s perspective on the situation he would find it easier to think about…

***

“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just come to my place.” Sam sighed as the two boys sat down on a park bench in the shade.

“Just wanted to be outside for a bit.” Castiel shrugged. “It’s summer…gotta make the most out of the weather, right?”

“I have a back yard to enjoy the weather in.”

“So do I. But, Sam, sometimes leaving the house is a _good_ thing.”

“Whatever. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Oh, right, yeah.” Castiel shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I have this friend…this friend I knew back when I lived in Boston…”

“Uh huh.” 

“And she called me up asking about something…but I didn’t really know how to respond because I’ve never been in a relationship before.” Castiel took a deep breath. “She has this boyfriend who’s quite a bit older than her…he’s like…in his twenties but she’s only seventeen. And, well, her boyfriend got drunk and high or something and took her up into his bedroom and tried to have sex with her even though she didn’t want to.” Castiel said, trying to forget the look in Dean’s eyes from that night he’ll never forget no matter how hard he tries.

“He raped her?”

“What? No! He didn’t rape me – uh – I mean, _her_. She managed to get away from him. He apologised for what he tried to do to her…and she still loves him…but she doesn’t know whether she should stay with him because, _I don’t know_ , she doesn’t feel _safe_ anymore.” Castiel sighed. “She’s scared that it’s going to happen again.”

Sam thought for a long while. “That’s kinda gross; a seventeen year old girl with a twenty-something year old man? It’s kinda perverted if you ask me.”

“That’s not the point.” Castiel snapped.

“He obviously took advantage of her because of her age…probably thought a seventeen year old girl would be easy.”

“I know her, okay? She’s not _easy_. She’s never had sex before.”

“Yeah…but when he _first_ started dating her, he probably only went for her because he thought she’d be easy.”

“But he says he loves her. Says he _really_ loves her. And she loves him too.”

“I don’t know, okay?! I just know that if a guy is a big enough asshole to take advantage of a seventeen year old girl then he really doesn’t deserve her. Nobody deserves to be with somebody if they so much as touch a person without the other person’s permission, no matter what age.”

Castiel sighed deeply.  He sat there picking at the fraying fabric of his jeans and desperately tried to think about something other than Dean and the fact that Sam’s answer was actually worth listening to. 

The long silence was finally broken by Sam saying: “Dean should be here any minute. He said he’d take us for ice cream.”

Castiel looked up at Sam quickly. “You invited _Dean_?”

“Course I did. I gotta make the most of having him around because I’ve hardly seen him since he went off to college. I thought you liked him? He seems to like you.”

 “I just wanted it to be me and you for today.”

“Well it’s kind of too late…”

Castiel looked up and followed Sam’s gaze; sure enough, at the bottom of the dirt path from the parking lot, was Dean walking towards them with his hands in his pockets. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up past his elbows and Castiel could see the defined muscles of his forearms. The sight of him walking so perfectly with the wind in his hair and the sunlight highlighting the bones that made up his face made Castiel’s stomach flip. He couldn’t deny how good he looked, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.

“Hey boys.” 

“Dean!” Sam grinned.

“Let’s go get some ice cream.” Dean winked.

***

Castiel had barely said a word to Dean but when Sam got up from their table in the ice cream parlour and headed for the bathroom, he knew he wouldn’t last long.

“Cas…” Dean sighed. “Are you still mad about the… _you know_.”

Castiel couldn’t find the words to speak. He didn’t even want to look up at him.

“I want you to talk to me about it. I want you to tell me if there’s anything I can do that well help you forgive me…even just a little bit.”

“I just…you just…”

Dean reached over and placed a hand over Castiel’s. “I’ve never felt so bad about anything before, Cas. I was drunk. I was _wasted_. I was an idiot, irresponsible…I should’ve looked after you when you wanted to be alone but instead I was too drunk to realise what I was doing to you.”

Castiel looked right up at Dean’s face. “You scared me.”

“I know I did…I know I hurt you and I hate myself for it. Give me a second chance. Please?”

Castiel sighed and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder. “Just promise…just promise not to get drunk around me _ever_ again.”

“Of course, baby. I promise.” He turned his head and kissed Castiel’s forehead. 

“I love you Dean.” 

“I love you too, Cas.” 

Castiel lifted his head from Dean’s shoulder and shovelled another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. Dean watched him with a smile of relief and relaxed back into his chair as Sam emerged from the bathrooms.

Before Sam reached the table, Dean quickly whispered, “Eleven tonight. I’ll be there at your window throwing stones.”


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel’s parents had seen Dean at their house so many times that they stopped caring who he actually was, or what the hell a twenty-two year old man was doing in their house anyway. They probably didn’t assume that he was their youngest son’s boyfriend (it would be illogical to jump to that conclusion so quickly, especially if their son had never made any hints that he liked guys), and they began to treat him as if he was actually a part of the family.

They’d ask him to stay for dinner and sometimes Dean would even sometimes offer to wash the dishes. Castiel liked that his parents thought so highly of Dean; it made it easier because Dean didn’t have to climb through windows like Castiel did when he visited Dean’s house late at night – he could just turn up on his doorstep with a bag of clothes for the night and be invited in by his mom or dad without hesitation. Castiel’s parents were rarely at home when the two were together anyway. It just meant that they could lie on top of each other on the sofa watching endless movies until eleven at night without anybody knowing a thing. 

Castiel could rarely visit Dean in his own home unless the whole family was out; otherwise he had to climb through windows and that was risky because Dean’s dad had a habit of grabbing the shotgun whenever he heard a noise outside. After one too many close shaves (and one time where Sam nearly walked in on Castiel hanging half out of the window), they gave up trying with Dean’s house. 

***

“You’ve got math homework to do over summer break? That sucks ass, dude.” Dean sighed from where he was lying on Castiel’s bed. Castiel was sat on the floor beside him hunched over a text book with a note pad balanced carefully on his knee.

“…Yeah.” Castiel mumbled with a pen between his teeth. “Sucks.”

Dean leant over Castiel’s shoulder and balanced his chin on the younger boy’s shoulder. Castiel looked over at him and smiled.

“I know you’re bored but I’ve only got two questions left to do.”

“I’m not bored, baby. Honest.” 

Castiel half-smiled at him and then turned back to his book as Dean reached over and grabbed his pencil case from the floor. He emptied it’s contents onto Castiel’s bed and picked up a pair of compasses.

“Hey, do you have any ink cartridges? You know, those little plastic things filled with ink?”

“Uhm…I should have one in my fountain pen.” Castiel said with his eyes glued to the book in front of him.

Dean spotted the fountain pen amidst the rest of Castiel’s pens and pencils, and unscrewed it so that it fell into two parts and a lid. He carefully pulled the black ink cartridge from the pen, being careful not to drip any of the ink onto Castiel’s white bed sheets, and placed it carefully on his knee. Castiel was completely oblivious as to what Dean was doing behind him until he turned around out of curiosity.

“What do you even need an ink cartridge fo-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Dean looked up at him wide-eyed. “What?”

“Why are you doing that to yourself?” Castiel looked down at marks the compass had made in Dean’s forearm. He watched as the red blood beaded around the cuts.

“I’m giving myself a tattoo.” Dean shrugged innocently. “Look…it’s your initials in a heart.” He held out his arm to show Castiel with some sort of childish pride that reminded him of the way his little cousins would present him with a picture they’d drawn.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, “do you know how dangerous that is? That compass could be dirty and…don’t tell me you’re going to put that ink in the cuts. You’re going to get ink poisoning!”

“Don’t tell me you never tried this in, like, seventh grade.” Dean said indifferently as he carried on carving into his arm.

“No! Because I didn’t want to get ink poisoning!”

“Relax, okay? I know loads of people who have done this and they’re fine.”

“But it looks like it hurts.” Castiel sighed as he sat down on the bed beside Dean. “And I’m just worried you’ll get sick.”

Dean leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

“What if you decide you don’t love me anymore? You’ll be stuck with my initials on your arm forever.” 

“Why’d I ever stop loving you?”

Castiel sighed. “Well you _do_ have to go back to Michigan in two months…”

Dean looked over at Castiel and spoke softly, “Yeah, I’ll have to go back to college soon, but why does that mean I’ll stop loving you?” 

“You _told_ me long distance relationships never work out…Being a thirteen hour drive away is too far, Dean. You _know_ that.”

“Stop it, okay? I don’t wanna think about leaving.”

“Summer break doesn’t last forever.”

“I _told_ you to stop it. I don’t wanna talk about it. I just wanna be with you and I just wanna be happy while I can.”

Castiel sighed and watched as Dean squeezed the black ink into the bloody shape on his arm. He looked away from Dean and looked down at his hands instead. “You’ll easily find someone else.”

“Well I don’t want anyone else, Cas. I want _you_.” Dean said harshly. “I want to love you until the day I die because I’ve never felt this way about anybody before. I want to wake up every day for the rest of my life and see you beside me. I want to tell you how beautiful you are _every_ day. I want to kiss you and hold you close and love you but I know I can’t because I…” He stopped himself and looked away. “Because I have to leave soon. And it’s gonna be the hardest darn thing when I do.”

When he finally looked over at Castiel, he was already looking back up at him. He leaned in and kissed the younger boy slowly, carefully, as if it would make time pass slower and the moment last forever. He placed a hand on Castiel’s waist and pulled him back to lie on the bed. The two looked up at each other for a while as Dean kissed and stroked and traced Castiel’s face with his fingertips. As Dean brought a hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind Castiel’s ear, the younger boy gently took hold of his arm and kissed his initials that now ruined Dean’s once-perfect skin.

***

Castiel had seen Dean in just his boxers before, but this time it was different. This time it wasn’t just a quick dash into the bathroom after forgetting his towel. This time was a late Monday morning in Castiel’s bed with their bodies pressed together beneath the sweaty sheets.

Dean ran a slow finger under the waistband of Castiel’s boxer shorts and it made the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end. Castiel watched him from under the sheets with lazy eyes, not even caring that the air surrounding them had become so stuffy that he found it hard to breathe. He didn’t want to submerge the warmth of the sheets because if he did he’d have to take his eyes off Dean, and he really didn’t want that. Castiel just wanted to watch the way Dean laid so content with his head on his chest gently caressing his skin as if nothing else mattered. As if they would never have to get up. As if Dean’s parents would never wonder where he was. As if the day he was due to leave for Michigan wasn’t nearing closer, faster than he wished it would. 

Castiel played with Dean’s hair, carefully twisting it between his fingers and then letting it go to watch it unravel again. He’d run a finger across Dean’s scalp like a surgeon would. Or sometimes he’d push Dean’s hair all the way back, just to be able to get a glimpse of his face for the few seconds it took for his hair to bounce back into place.

Castiel never thought he’d ever trust anybody enough to lie around with them in his underwear. But, then again, Dean’s not just _anybody_. Dean Winchester is the beautiful college kid revisiting his home town, who happened to fall in love with a seventeen year old he saw in a coffee shop. Dean Winchester is the smartest person Castiel had ever met; the one person who seemed to have an answer for everything. Dean Winchester is passionate and loving and careful (most of the time) and gentle and perfect and, well, he’s _Dean Winchester_.

“What do you want to be when you’re older, Cas?” Dean mumbled with his head still resting on Castiel’s bare chest.

“Me? Uh…I don’t know. Maybe a teacher or something? I haven’t really thought about it to be honest.”

Dean laughed a deep, laid back laugh. 

“What’s so funny about that?” Castiel asked with a small smile.

“Just imagining you dressed up in your smart clothes with a tie and armfuls of books and folders. I think you’d be an awesome teacher. A hot one.” Dean looked up at his face and winked.

Castiel giggled. “Well, what do you want to be?”

“I’m doing a law course at college, so-”

“ _Law_?”

“Hey, what’s so bad about that?” Dean pouted.

Castiel shook his head. “Nothing. I just never would’ve guessed you’d be studying something as boring as _law_.”

“You won’t be complaining when we’re living in a massive house on the Californian coast with a garden the size of a golf course!” Dean smiled.

“Wait, so I’m going to be a _teacher_ and you’re going to be a _lawyer_? I think maybe I should widen my possible career ideas.”

“No, you don’t need to because you’ll be my husband and we’ll share everything I own.”

Castiel hadn’t realised how much he was smiling. “I’ll be your _husband_ , will I?”

“Yeah! We’ll get married on a Hawaiian beach or something. Wait…you will wanna marry me, right? When we’re older of course.”

“Of course I will, D-” He was interrupted by the sound of his bedroom door opening. Both boys froze and looked over at each other.

***

“Castiel?” It certainly wasn’t either of his parent’s voices.

Slowly he pulled the bed covers back to reveal his face, ensuring Dean was still fully covered by them. He took a deep breath of the cool fresh air and nearly choked when he saw Sam standing there in the doorway.

“Sam.” Castiel said gravely. It wasn’t a greeting, it was a warning. It was a warning to Dean and a warning to himself to try and prepare himself for the worst outcome of the situation. He felt Dean’s whole body tense up and he placed a hand on his waist in an attempt to calm him down.

“What are you…have you got somebody under there?”

“What? No.” Castiel said quickly.

“I can see another person’s body under there, dude. I’m not _that_ stupid.” Sam said rolling his eyes. "Who is it?”

“I said it was nobody.”

Sam’s face suddenly contorted into some sort of knowing smirk as he whispered, “Is it a girl?”

“No…I…It’s not a girl.”

“A _guy_? Whoa, what the hell man, I’ve gotta see this!” Sam laughed as he lunged forward to pull the blankets completely from the bed. Dean sat up slowly and looked over at his younger brother who’s grin slowly faded into an expression of utter horror and confusion combined into one emotion Castiel never wished to see on his best friend’s face.

“What the fuck? What the _FUCK_? Dean? Castiel? What the _fuck_ are you _doing_?”

“Sam…” Dean said cautiously as he climbed off of the bed. When Sam saw that both of them were wearing nothing but underwear his face turned an even ghostlier shade of white. “Just let me explain, okay?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone is good at writing smut, hmu on twitter @whereareyoucaa or just message me/comment on here . I don't want to write it myself and whoever helps me will be fully credited thank you!!

“Let me explain.” Dean said slowly. “Just…listen to me.”

“I don’t need to listen to your bullshit, Dean.” Sam hissed. “I know what’s going on here…my _twenty-two_ year old brother is _fucking_ my _seventeen_ year old friend. _God_. It sounds even worse to say it out loud.”

“It’s not like that.” 

“Not like that? Well, then what _is_ it like, Dean? Because I’m pretty sure I just walked in on the pair of you lying practically naked in a bed together.” Sam spat. He looked over at Castiel who was climbing into a pair of jeans across the other side of the room, and rolled his eyes in disgust.

“I know it might look bad…but I _do_ love him. I love him _a lot_.” Dean said honestly.

“You _love_ him? You’ve got to be kidding, right?” Sam laughed. “You do know he’s a fucking _kid_ , don’t you?”

“He’s seventeen, he’s not a kid.  But, yes, I know that he’s young…and it doesn’t even matter.”

“Doesn’t matter? He’s barely legal!” He paused for a long while before turning around to look at Castiel. “You don’t have a friend in Boston with an older boyfriend, do you, Castiel?”

Castiel looked up at him slowly and then looked away. Sam shot a look of disgust at Dean and walked quickly towards Castiel, grabbing him hard by the shoulder.

“Did he touch you when you didn’t want him to?”

“Sam…” Castiel began to cry. “Let go of me.”

“He did, didn’t he? You were using your ‘friend’ as a cover up.”

“I…I don’t want to talk about it.”

“ANSWER ME! I need to know what to tell mom and dad.”

Castiel suddenly looked up at Sam teary eyed. “You can’t tell anybody! He didn’t mean it!” 

Sam laughed with disgust. “Of course he _meant_ it, are you really that stupid?”

Castiel began to cry harder and hid his face in his hands. Dean placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder to pull him away, only to be shoved hard in the chest.

“Don’t you _dare_. Don’t you dare touch me.” Sam spat. “You’re a monster.”

“I didn’t _do_ any-.” He was cut off by a blow to the face.

Sam looked down at his own fist in shock at what he’d just done. And then he went and did it again, harder this time. Then again. And again until Dean fell back into a wall and Castiel had to physically pull Sam away from him. Dean straightened himself out slowly, wiping the blood away from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Sam…just listen, okay?” Castiel said slowly. “You can’t tell anybody about me and Dean being together.”

“You’re ‘together’, are you? How fucking _cute_ : a monster taking advantage of a kid…what a perfect little couple you are. Wait until everybody else hears about this! People will never be able to look at either of you in the same way again.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Dean muttered through swollen lips.

“Wouldn’t dare to do what? Tell people you abused a kid? Don’t people deserve to know the truth? Mom and dad certainly do…they’ll never let you anywhere near the house again.”

“You can’t do that to me. I’m your _brother_. We’re family.”

 “Family doesn’t mean anything.”

Castiel stepped forward. “Sam…please just _don’t_.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re my best friend.”

“ _Best friend_?” Sam laughed. “Are you serious? What sort of best friend do you think you are, having sex with my brother...keeping this _relationship_ \- or whatever the hell you call it - a secret from me?”

“We never actually had – urgh. I just knew you wouldn’t like it.”

“Well at least you got that right.” Sam spat. “Now…I’m going home. I’m going home and I never want to have anything to do with either of you ever again.”

“Come on, Sam, don’t be stupid.” Dean said harshly.

Sam just shook his head and walked away. He walked right out of the room before anybody could say another word. 

***

The sound of the front door slamming shut was heard from downstairs, and Dean sat down on Castiel’s bed with his head in his hand. Castiel stayed sat at his desk on the other side of the room unable to say another word; there was nothing he wanted to say, nothing he _could_ say, that would make the situation any better. What’s done was done…and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

“Cas?” Dean looked up at the boy sitting on his own, crying into his hands. “Baby? Come here.” He said softly, patting the space on the bed beside him.

Castiel looked up and walked over to the bed where Dean put an arm around him and pulled him close.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to us.” 

Castiel just began to cry harder as Dean kissed his temple. 

“Listen, okay? I’m not gonna let anyone take you away from me. If they think I’m a monster, so be it. I don’t care what anyone thinks as long as I’ve got you.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

Dean shook his head. “Neither of us could’ve seen this coming.”

“Please don’t leave me.” Castiel cried desperately. “Don’t leave me…because if you do I’ll have nobody left. Sam’s never going to want to speak to me again and all my other friends will hate me when they find out about this...and I have no idea how my parents will react when they find out-”

“Your parents will understand. They may hate me, but they’ll understand.” Dean sighed as he placed a hand on the back of Castiel’s neck. “I think it would be best if I leave now, just in case Sam tells mom and dad. I want to be there to explain it properly.”

Castiel nodded slightly. “Okay.”

“I’ll call you later, okay? I love you.”

Castiel didn’t reply. He just nodded once more and climbed back into bed, facing the empty wall.

***

Dean had put off going home all day. He’d spent the past four hours in the same coffee shop he’d met Cas in nearly a month and a half ago, sat at the exact same table drinking the same drink. He nearly hadn’t realised he was doing it until he looked up at the table next to him, expecting to see Castiel sitting there all blue eyed and naïve. After nearly three cups of coffee, Dean decided it would be best if he went home before he overdosed on caffeine. 

When he finally got home he found his parents and Sam sitting in the living room watching the TV. As he walked in he prepared himself for whatever his parents had to say. His heart began to beat faster with every step he took into the room, but after waiting for nearly two minutes nobody said anything. Dean frowned and looked over at his parents who both appeared to be absorbed in whatever they were watching, and Sam who was sat across the other side of the room with a book.

“Um…hello?” Dean mumbled uncertainly.

His dad just looked up at him, smiled, and said, “There are some leftovers from dinner last night in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

Dean nodded uncertainly and looked down at Sam, who looked away almost instantly. _Sam hadn’t told them_. A wave of relief washed over his body as he walked quickly into the kitchen. He leant against the counter top and let his heart rate calm down for a few seconds before he grabbed the plate of leftovers from the fridge and took it up to his bedroom.

***

“Cas? Baby, it’s okay. Sammy hasn’t told anybody!” Dean grinned as he held the phone to his ear with one hand, the other spooning rice into his mouth.

There was no response from the other end. Just a faint shuffling sound and a sniffle.

“Cas? Are you there?”

“Yeah. I’m here.” Castiel said quietly.

“Are you okay? There’s no reason to be sad anymore, Sam didn’t tell mom and dad about us and we-”

“Dean.” Castiel said suddenly. “They came to my house earlier and-”

“Who? My parents?”

“No… Sam and the rest of my friends.” Castiel sighed.

“They came to your house? What did they do?” Dean asked slowly.

“They…” Castiel sniffled again. “They spray painted the word ‘faggot’ across my garage door.”

“ _What_?”

“My parents asked me why they would do it, and I said I didn’t know. They’re very upset though; mom keeps hugging me and dad won’t leave the window looking out at our driveway for more than five minutes in case they come back.”

“I don’t understand why they’d-”

“It is true, isn’t it, Dean? I am a fag.”

“Why would they do this to _you_? I thought Sam was angry at _me_.”

“They’re probably just trying to get to you _through_ me.” Castiel sighed. “If they upset me, they know you’ll react ten times worse. Your parents will wonder why you’re so bothered by it, and then they’ll work it out. So just…please don’t say anything. Don’t even mention it to Sam.”

“But I can’t just let him get away with this!” Dean spat. “I can’t just sit back and let them upset you!”

“It’s fine, Dean, honestly. I can handle it.”

Dean shook his head. “I’m coming over. Just give me half an hour.”

“No.” Castiel said quickly. “Just stay at home, okay? I just want to be alone.”

“What?”

“I just want to be alone right now.”

“Oh.” Dean sighed. “Well…I’ll see you soon, okay?”

And then Castiel hung up without saying another word.


	7. Chapter 7

“Castiel, honey, you’ve got to leave the house at some point.”

Castiel looked up from where he was lying in bed as his mother stepped into his room. She carefully shut the door behind herself, and walked over to his bed, perching on the edge of the mattress with her hands sitting neatly in her lap.

“Dean hasn’t been over recently, either.”

“Just want to be alone.” Castiel mumbled into his pillow. 

“You’ve been alone for nearly a week, honey. If you’re worried about your friends picking on you again, just remember your father is watching out for them returning every second he can.”

“Didn’t stop them from egging the car…or spraying silly-string over the fucking lawn.”

His mom sighed and looked over at the window momentarily. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

Castiel shook his head.

“Not even about why your friends might be doing this to you?”

He sighed and looked up at her, but still didn’t say a word.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right, Castiel? I’ve brought up three boys – I think can fix _just about_ anything.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” Castiel mumbled, rolling over. 

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m your mom; don’t use that language in front of me. Just tell me what’s wrong and I can at least _try_ and make it better for you.”

Castiel sat up and pushed the bed covers off of his legs. His mother looked down at him expectantly but he just huffed and let himself fall back into bed.

“What if I call Gabriel and ask him to come over to talk to you? He’s your brother; maybe he’ll be easier to talk to.”

“No. No, it’s fine.” Castiel sighed. “Two hours is a long way to drive just to have him talk to me about some stupid guys upsetting me.”

“Then just talk to _me_ , Castiel. I’m worried about you. _Dean’s_ worried about you; he’s called at least twice a day hoping to speak to you.”

Castiel didn’t reply. He just looked out at his room, anywhere but his mom. 

She sighed and stood up again, looking down at her youngest son for just a moment longer. “Please…just talk to me when you feel ready. I need to know what’s going on. Especially if it’s making your friends act this way towards you; there’s only so much they can do before they actually damage the house, you know. You need to tell us before it gets so far that your father gives in and calls the cops.”

Castiel pulled the bed covers back over himself and rolled over so he was facing the wall again.

“I…I’ll be downstairs if you want to talk.”

***

Later that day, Castiel made his way downstairs – the first time he’d left his room in nearly two days – and found his mom cooking dinner as she chatted to his father who appeared to be fixing a clock or a radio or something on the countertop. As he walked into the room, he pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands and cleared his throat quietly. Castiel couldn’t bring himself to look up at either of them as he stood there awkwardly; both of them watching as he opened and closed his mouth thinking of what words to use and how to say them.

“The, uh, the reason my friends are, um, doing that stuff to me is because I, uhm…I’m…in love with a…” he took a deep breath before speaking again, “A _guy_. And that, uh, _guy_ happens to be _Dean_ – Sam’s older brother.” He kept his eyes glued to the floor. Nobody in the room said a word, and the painful silence made Castiel think that maybe they hadn’t heard him. “Nobody was, uh, supposed to know. It was supposed to be kept a secret but, you know, Sam’s right to be mad about it, I guess.”

He looked up at his parents but neither of them appeared to have anything to say. They both just stood there looking at him with blank faces as if they’d suddenly stopped mid-action. So he left it at that and made his way back up to his room where he closed the door, turned off the light and climbed back into bed where he eventually fell asleep.

***

The next morning he woke to the sound of Dean’s voice coming from somewhere downstairs. Castiel threw the bed covers off and quickly climbed out of bed. He ran downstairs as fast as he dared until he found Dean sitting in the living room with both his parents and two older brothers, Lucifer and Gabriel. Castiel hadn’t seen his older brothers in _months_ , since they had both moved out nearly five years ago. And seeing them all sitting together with a cup of tea each was quite a shock. 

“Um…hello?” Castiel mumbled from the where he was standing uncertainly in the doorway. 

“Cas!” Dean grinned, but then his face suddenly softened with relief. “ _Cas_.”

“Hello Dean.” Castiel said quietly. He found his face flushing red the way it always did when he would catch Dean’s eye in the wind mirror of his car when Sam couldn’t know.

“It’s nice to see you, Castiel.” Gabriel smiled from beside his mother. “It’s been far too long.”

Castiel nodded in agreement.

“Was starting to miss my little brother.” Lucifer smiled.

“Why don’t you come and join us, Castiel?” his mother suggested. “Your brothers didn’t travel two hours just to see you for nothing.”

Castiel frowned and looked over at where his brothers were sitting either side of Dean on the sofa. “ _Me_? You guys came to see _me_?”

“Of course we did!” Gabriel grinned. “Mom told us you were going through a hard time at the moment because of your friends, and when we heard about your boyfriend, Dean, we couldn’t resist coming to town to meet him.”

The red in Castiel’s cheeks suddenly deepened.

“Gotta make sure he’s worthy of having you.” Lucifer smirked. “Wouldn’t want you dating some psycho.” He turned to look at Dean and smiled. “Seems like an alright guy to me though.”

“Why don’t you come and sit down and talk with us?” his dad suggested. “I made you hot chocolate because I know you don’t like tea.”

Dean and Lucifer made a space between them on the sofa and Castiel walked shyly over to them, sitting carefully in the middle. As soon as he was settled with his knees pulled up to his chest, Dean put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him a little closer. 

“I missed you.” Dean whispered down to Castiel.

Castiel looked up at him and smiled shyly. “I missed you too.”

Dean leaned down to kiss his cheek, but Castiel pulled away slightly when he noticed the eyes of everyone in the room was on them. Once Dean noticed too, he sat up straight and smiled politely at Castiel’s parents. 

***

Before lunch while everybody else was out in the dining room setting up the table to eat, Castiel and Dean stayed sat close on the sofa, enjoying the time with each other that seemed to be disappearing quicker and quicker with each day. It had gotten to the point where Castiel could easily work out the days, even the hours, the two had left with each other if he tried; but every time those numbers of weeks and days and hours began to attack his mind, he’d shut them off instantly and force himself to think of something else.

“Sam’s friends are just assholes, okay? I have loads of friends in town who live around here…I’m sure you’d easily make friends with them. I mean, I haven’t really had much time to catch up with them in three years but I’m sure they’re all still nice people.”

Castiel frowned. “Dean…are you forgetting the age difference? I’m too young to do any of the things they spend their time doing.”

“Just ‘cause you’re too young doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”

“I’m not sure my parents would be pleased if I came home wasted every night.” Castiel said. “I’ll just ask mom to enrol me into a new school or something. I’m sure I can make new friends somewhere else.”

Dean sighed. “I’d worry about you if you started at a new school that I wasn’t familiar with. What if you didn’t fit in? Or the kids were dicks to you? I wouldn’t be able to look after you.”

“You won’t be able to look after me when you leave anyway.” Castiel said quietly.

“I know I can’t, but I’ll know people who can.”

“What, you’re gonna set your friends up to _spy_ on me?” Castiel laughed.

“I wouldn’t call it spying. It’d be more of an… _observation_.”

“I know you care about me, Dean, but I don’t think that will be entirely necessary.” Castiel smiled. “I’m sure I can look after myself. Besides, after summer break I will only have to put up with it for a year and then I’m outta there.”

“A year or not, I wouldn’t want anybody putting you through hell for even a _second_. Especially not for something that’s my fault.”

Castiel let himself smile and kissed the end of Dean’s nose. “What am I gonna do without you?”

***

“Yeah…I definitely remember you from middle school.” Lucifer laughed, waving his fork carelessly in Dean’s direction. “You were, I don’t know, in sixth grade when I was in eighth? I just remember you always sitting in the school yard surrounded by little girls with pigtails.”

“One drunk late night in the boy’s changing rooms with the quarterback after a football match in tenth grade and look where I am now.” Dean laughed. “Although, I never actually dated any of those girls.”

“I’m sure you had a fair few girlfriends in high school.” Castiel’s father said from the end of the table. “A good looking guy like you must’ve been able to get any girl he wanted.”

“Or guy.” Castiel added quietly.

“I had a couple of girlfriends I guess, but I never went far with any of them and they usually lasted about a month at most. I remember this one girl who tried to kiss me after dating for only a couple of days and I’d never gotten myself out of a room so fast in my life.”

“So…you had a lot of boyfriends?” Castiel’s mom asked.

Dean paused for a long moment. “Actually, Castiel is my first boyfriend. I’ve spent _nights_ with guys before. There have been secret moments at parties and, occasionally, the bathrooms at school, but nothing _serious_. Nothing quite like Cas.”

The room suddenly fell silent and Castiel kept his eyes on his now-empty plate. When he looked up at Dean again he found that he was already looking down at him. “Why _me_?”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

The room suddenly fell silent and Castiel kept his eyes on his now-empty plate. When he looked up at Dean again he found that he was already looking back at him. “Why me?”

“Because,” Dean took Castiel’s hand under the table and smiled, “because I fell in love with you.”

There was another long pause where Castiel desperately tried to stop himself from flushing red once again. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost instantly. After a few more seconds had passed he opened it again and said the only thing he could think of: “Too bad we’ve only got twenty-five days left together.” Castiel instantly regretted saying those words, because as soon as the number passed his lips it suddenly hit him that they really didn’t have very much time together anymore. Three months was now little under one; every minute was worth more than ever and every second seemed to disappear without notice.

“I know.” Dean sighed, looking out at the rest of Castiel’s family. “And that’s why I’ve decided that, tonight, I’m going to tell my parents about us.”

Castiel felt a sick feeling settling into his stomach. 

“You don’t have to do that, Dean.” Castiel’s mother said quickly. “You don’t have to tell anybody about Castiel.”

Dean looked over at her, “Why not? Are you afraid they won’t accept it?” 

Castiel’s mother stayed silent, but it was clear that Dean was right.

“They’re my parents. I think they deserve to know the truth.”

“That’s fair enough, Dean. You can tell them that _you_ ’re gay, but you don’t have to tell them about Castiel.” She said simply.

Castiel looked up suddenly. “Are you _ashamed_ of me? Are you afraid people will judge _you_ because of this?”

“No, honey, you know that’s not true. It’s just…people will talk if this gets out. People will ask questions and point fingers…and I’m not sure I want to deal with that sort of attention.”

“Mom, you’re overreacting just a little bit.” Gabriel said quickly. “Why don’t you let Dean decide what he tells his parents? I’m sure he knows how to handle this situation better than you do.”

Castiel’s mom shook her head and turned to her youngest son. “Castiel just listen to me, okay? I’m just worried that in a few years you’re going to regret letting Dean tell people about all of this. It’s clear that Sam isn’t very happy with you being - you know – _gay_...and maybe he has a good reason to act this way? I just think you should just keep this between the family. Nobody else needs to know.”

“This is bullshit.” Castiel mumbled, slumping back into his chair.

“Mom, can I ask _why_ you think nobody should know?” Lucifer said, leaning forward with his elbows on the table.

“I’m going to say this only once: I’m fine with Castiel dating a male. I’m _happy_ that he finally told me about all of this. I just don’t want to be known as _that_ mom, okay? It’s bad enough pretending I didn’t know what ‘faggot’ meant when the neighbours asked why a couple of teenagers had spray painted it across our garage door.”

The room fell silent. Even Castiel’s father turned to frown at her. 

Dean looked round at the faces of everybody sitting at the table and pushed his chair back. “I think it’s best I leave before I say something I regret.”

“Dean, I mean it in the most respectful way, you’ve just got to underst-”

“Thank you for the food, Mrs Novak, but I really feel it’s time for me to leave.” Dean said standing up. Castiel got up from the table too and tucked his chair in. “I’m sure I’ll see you later after I’ve had a little conversation with my family about the situation regarding my boyfriend – your son.”

***

It was the first time Castiel had set foot in Dean’s house with Sam knowing about their relationship. Dean was beyond the point of caring if his parents saw the two together anyway; he just walked right through the living room his parents were both sitting in with Castiel trailing close behind him as if it was no big deal at all. Of course his parents didn’t seem to bat an eyelid. Neither of them even looked up from the television screen so they probably didn’t even acknowledge Castiel was there in the first place.

Once they were out of sight, Dean linked Castiel’s pinkie-finger in his own and smiled over to him before leading him into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them both.

“Are you really going to tell your parents about us?” Castiel asked as Dean lit a cigarette over by the window sill.

He kept the cigarette balanced between his lips as he spoke, “Yeah. I figured it was only fair to tell my parents too, now that you’ve told yours.”

“I didn’t really have much choice, Dean. I wouldn’t have told them if I could’ve avoided it. My mom was threatening to send me to a doctor because she was worried why I wouldn’t leave the house.”

Dean offered Castiel a cigarette but he rejected it. “It’s probably for the best, anyway. They’re going to start to wonder why Sam hasn’t had you round in nearly a week. It seems you practically _lived_ here before.” Dean laughed.

Castiel laughed weakly in response and looked down at the carpet as he spoke. “Dean, look, _I’m sorry_.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“I’m sorry for ruining things between you and Sam. I’ve only known him for little over a year and it’s clear how much he loved you. He’d never stop talking about you if he had the chance, and now things aren’t like that anymore and it’s _all_ _my_ fault. I shouldn’t have been so stupid in thinking this would actually work. I should’ve known Sam never would’ve agreed with this.”

Dean took a long drag from his cigarette and jumped down from the window sill to join Castiel sitting on the carpet. “Well Sam was never supposed to find out; but what’s done is done. It wasn’t your fault, okay? The only thing that _was_ your fault was telling Sam about that stupid night at my party.”

“I didn’t _mean_ for him to work out that I was talking about _us_. He never would’ve worked it out if he hadn’t found out we were together.”

“I know.” Dean sighed with a small smile. “And that’s why I’m not mad about it. Regardless of Sam’s reaction, I still want to tell my parents, okay? I just feel like it’s time to come clean to them about this whole sexuality thing anyway. It’s been long enough pretending I liked girls.”

“Even if they do accept your sexuality it doesn’t mean they’ll accept you dating a seventeen year old.” 

“You won’t be seventeen forever, Cas. Besides, it’s best I tell them soon if I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” 

“The rest of your life? Dean, we’re going to have to break up when you leave in little over a month.”

Dean frowned. “Break up?”

“You said so yourself when we first started dating.”

“I only said that in the beginning because I never expected to fall in love with you. In the beginning you were just some guy I’d picked up in a coffee shop; a summer romance at best. Things are different now. I’ve changed since then, Cas. I’ve changed a _lot_.”

Castiel looked up at him and blinked a few times before bursting into tears.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Dean said, stubbing his cigarette out on the leg of the desk behind him so he could pull Castiel into his lap. “What’s wrong? Did I say something that upset you?”

Castiel shook his head and took hold of Dean’s shirt. 

Dean rested his chin against the top of Castiel’s head. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Castiel mumbled something uncomprehendable into Dean’s chest, to which Dean decided to scoop him up and carry him over to the bed. He placed the younger boy under the covers and kissed his head. Castiel looked up at him with teary eyes and didn’t look away until Dean went to grab another cigarette from the box on the table. When he noticed Castiel watching him, he decided against the cigarette and threw the packet back onto the floor.

“Soon we’ll be living in a cute apartment somewhere like San Francisco or New York City…it’ll just be me and you, and we won’t have to worry about people thinking us being together is wrong because we’ll be married and happy and the only thing we’ll have to worry about will be paying taxes and who’s turn it is to cook dinner.”

Castiel looked up at him and smiled. “Do you promise?”

“I promise, Cas. One day things will be exactly how we want them to be. But for now we have to do what’s best for us, and I think the next thing to do is tell _my_ family. It’s what _I_ want, okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Castiel followed Dean downstairs with their fingers loosely linked until they came to the living room door. Dean turned around and kissed the top of Castiel’s head, told him he loved him no matter what, and opened the door. As the two entered the room, Dean’s mom, Mary, looked up.

“Oh, Castiel, I’m sorry but Sam’s not here right now. I think he’s out with friends.”

“Probably egging my house.” Castiel muttered under his breath as he followed Dean further into the room.

“Castiel isn’t here to see Sam. He’s here with me.”

“ _You_?” Dean’s father, John, frowned. He placed the bottle of beer he was holding onto the coffee table and switched off the television.

“Yes, _me_.” Dean said. He took a deep breath and looked from his parents to Castiel, back to his parents again. “He’s here with me to tell you that we-”

“You’re not going to tell me you’re dating or something stupid, are you?” John smiled knowingly. “Because I can always tell when you’re trying to make me fall for some stupid practical joke. Remember that time when you were, I don’t know, thirteen? Sam was about eight? You dressed him up in Jo-from-next-door’s frilly pink dress and your mom’s red lipstick, and tried to get me to believe he wanted to be known as ‘Samantha’ from then on. I nearly fell for it, too!” he laughed. “You kids were crazy! It’s been a while since you and Sammy teamed up on me like that. It’s strange because it seems you’ve hardly been speaking lately. He was very excited about you returning from college and everything, so I’m surprised.”

“Yeah.” Dean mumbled, looking down at his feet. “I guess he didn’t take kindly to the idea of his brother dating his friend.”

John laughed, and so did Mary until she looked up at her eldest son’s face and saw no trace of a joke. When John noticed his wife’s sudden serious expression, he stopped laughing too and frowned up at Dean. “This is a joke, right? A joke…like the good old days?”

Dean’s face remained unchanged and Castiel stepped further behind him.

John sat up slowly and stared up at his son in utter disbelief. “He’s a kid.”

“I know.”

“A _kid_.” John’s face began to redden. “And he’s a _guy_.”

“I _know_.”

“A seventeen year old boy.” John said, shaking his head slowly. “You wanna know something? The thought of this whole situation is making me feel kind of ill.”

“John…it’s maybe not _that_ bad.” Mary protested quietly.

“Not that bad?” He said, climbing to his feet. “ _Not that bad_? Are you even listening to yourself, Mary? It’s bad enough he’s dating a guy, but a _kid_? Jesus Christ. No wonder Sam was sure to stay the hell away from you!”

“I take it you’re not with me on this one.” Dean muttered.

John pushed Dean out of the way and grabbed Castiel by the wrist, pulling him into the centre of the room.

“Let go of him.” Dean hissed. But John ignored him; he just stood there with Castiel’s wrist firmly in his grip. Castiel began to cry, but as Dean stepped forwards to comfort him he was pulled away from him again. “Get your hands off of him.” Dean spat.

John ignored him and looked down at Castiel. “What the hell do you have to say for yourself? Do you even have _anything_ to say at all?”

Castiel shook his head in fear and looked over at Dean in a desperate plea for help.

“Let go of him, John.” Mary said sternly. “You let go of him right now, John.”

John released his grip and shoved him back towards Dean. “Get out of my house, you little shit. I don’t want to see you here again. Not with Sam. Not with _anybody_. You hear me?”

Castiel nodded and struggled to stop himself from crying again as he near-ran towards the front door without looking back once. Dean turned to head after him but he suddenly found himself with his father’s hand at his throat.

“JOHN!” Mary screamed. “JOHN, STOP!”

But john just squeezed harder, looking Dean dead in the eyes. Dean didn’t react to his father’s sudden act of violence, he just stared back.

“Tell me this is some sort of sick joke, Dean. Tell me this isn’t true.”

Dean clenched his jaw, and muttered: “Daddy, you always taught me not to lie.”

John grunted and held his throat tighter until Dean’s face began to redden, then kneed him hard in the stomach so hard that it caused him to stagger backwards. Mary rushed to her son’s side only to be shrugged away.

“Get out of my house, boy.” John spat. “Take that prepubescent piece of dirt home, pack your things and go back to Michigan.”

Dean shook his head slowly as he straightened himself out. “If it were Sammy in my position you’d never act this way.”

John looked over at his son one last time and muttered, “ _Get out_.” 

***

Dean found Castiel sitting on the doorstep with his head in his hands crying to himself. As Dean approached him he looked up and began to cry harder, but all Dean could do was take him by the hand and lead him towards the car. Neither of them said a word as Dean drove; they both just sat in silence and watched the view out the window as the world rushed by and the sun went down. They weren’t driving anywhere in particular. Dean just needed to get as far away as he dared, as fast as he could. 

But after nearly two hours had passed and Castiel thought he couldn’t possibly cry any more, Dean pulled over in the car park of some park they’d never visited before and climbed into the back of the Impala. He pulled his coat off and lay across the back seats, making sure there was enough room for Castiel to join him. 

Castiel climbed after him and lay himself down beside him with his face hidden in Dean’s chest. Dean covered their bodies the best he could with his coat and told Castiel he loved him even more than he had before, if that was even possible. Castiel couldn’t open his mouth to speak without bursting into tears again, so he just kissed Dean’s chin and hoped that would be a good enough response.

That’s where the pair spent the night: lying close to each other in the backseat of the Impala in silence, desperately trying to think of a solution to the problem neither of them ever thought they’d get themselves into, until they let themselves fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to update, I've been quite busy and too tired to write recently. (((I also apologise for any typos because I'm still very tired.)))


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Laura for writing the smut for me because I find it too awkward writing stuff like that myself.  
> You should check out her AO3 account (Casti_elofKrypton_18) because her writing is awesome, and follow her tumblr (cassafrassbutt.tumblr.com) :) Thank you!!! Hope ya'll like this chapter

Castiel woke the next morning to a numb ache setting into his lower back from where he’d been sleeping across the backseats of the Impala. He pushed Dean’s coat of from on top of himself and sat up, stretching his arms as far as the burning sensation in his muscles would allow him. 

Out of the misted windscreen, Castiel could make out the silhouette of Dean resting against the bonnet of the car, phone to his ear. He could hear his hushed words as he tried to keep his voice low, but Castiel could still hear every word.

“I know, Bobby. Yes…I kinda did expect him to react this way, but I didn’t think he’d just kick me out…You live in _South Dakota_ , Bobby. My college is in _Michigan_ …No, no, no. I wasn’t calling you stupid…Not at all…I have no choice…Even if I do decide to come home to Kansas I won’t have enough money to buy a place of my own…And then there’s _Cas_ – he probably doesn’t understand how much I actually want to be with him, and I can’t just plan my whole life around the chance that a seventeen year old will be happy being with me for the rest of his life…I _know_ I’m young too, Bobby…No, yes, I am listening…” There was a longer pause this time. “I have no choice but to go back to Michigan and stay there, do I?” Dean sighed. “Yes, I know…Thank you, Bobby. It was nice to talk to someone who understands…Yeah, I’ll see you soon…Bye.”

There was a brief moment where Castiel was uncertain as to whether or not Dean was actually going to return to the car, but as Castiel reached out for the handle, the door opened.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Dean smiled as he climbed back into the car.

“Morning. Who was that on the phone?” Castiel asked, lying himself back down across the hard leather seats. Dean climbed on top of him so he was sitting over the younger boy’s hips and smiled half-heartedly.

“My uncle Bobby. Well he’s _more-or-less_ my uncle.”

 “Oh, okay.” Castiel nodded. “So you’re going back to Michigan?” 

“Not yet. I’m leaving for South Dakota tonight to spend a week and a half with Bobby to sort myself out and let dad come to terms with it all, and then I’m going to come back and see if he’d changed his opinion on this mess.”

“ _A week and a half_? That’s, what, about eleven days? That only leaves us with twelve days together before you go back to college.”

“I’m sorry, Cas, but Bobby said it would be for the best. I did offer for you to come up to stay there with me, but he said dad wouldn’t like that.”

“Who cares what your dad thinks?”

“ _I_ _care_ , Cas. _I care_ that he’s practically disowned me.”

Castiel sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that.” Dean mumbled, leaning over him to kiss the tip of his nose. “I love you too much to hear you blaming yourself, okay? Nothing else matters except being with you. Just you. I need to have you while I can.”

Castiel nodded and kissed his lips. He looked up into Dean’s eyes and saw something that he vaguely recognized from a couple of months ago. It was the same look in Dean’s eyes he saw the night of the party, but this time it was much less savage. This time Castiel knew his eyes looked the same way.

 

\--------------------The following stuff was written for me by Laura (Casti_elofKrypton_18)---------------------

 

Dean was moving slowly, lightly carding his fingers through Castiel’s hair as he and deepened their kiss. Cas shut his eyes tightly, trying to drown out his own head and focus on Dean but nothing seemed to help. When Dean’s fingers trailed down to his arms and his lips shifted to press against his neck, Cas sucked in an audible breath and tensed visibly, eyes flying open wide. 

“A-are we going _to you know_?” Castiel said nervously, trying to look around at anything other than Dean.

“Going to what?” Dean asked softly.

“Have _you know_.”

Dean’s face suddenly reddened as he whispered, “ _Sex_?”

Castiel nodded shyly.

“Well, uh, if _you_ want to. I mean, _I_ want to. I just need to make sure _you_ want to, too.”

“Yeah, well, I _do_ want to. I’ve been, kind of, thinking about it recently, actually. Not, um, not in a weird way. I just thought that I’d, uh, I’d _like_ to do it if we had the, you know, _chance_. But if you-”

“I want this too, Cas.” Dean said, maybe a little too quickly.

“Okay, so, _okay_.”

Dean smiled down at Castiel and kissed him again, mostly because he wanted to kiss him, but also because he just wanted him to stop talking.

Castiel had expected to feel some measure of courage once he made his decision. He’d hoped some hidden instinct would take hold and he would feel less awkward and scared but as Dean pressed warm, eager lips to his and gently pushed him back against the hard leather seats of the Impala, Castiel realized he was no less terrified. He had no idea what to do, where to put his hands, or what he was supposed to be feeling. He imagined it should feel good but he couldn’t get past the crippling fear that was choking him - the fear that it would end up being a repeat of the night of Dean’s party.

Dean pulled away and examined Castiel’s face. “Cas?” he said tentatively. Castiel met Dean’s gaze. His pupils were still blown black but the green was returning quickly as he assessed the younger boy’s expression. “You okay?”

Castiel bit his lip nervously and looked at his hands, folded in his lap. “I…I don’t know. I mean, I know I want this,” he looked back up at Dean, “I know I want _you_ , I just don’t know what to do. And I…I guess I’m scared.”

Dean reached out a hand to brush his fingers across Castiel’s cheek. Cas leaned into the touch, it was soft and unassuming—there was no pressure or desire in it, just love—and that was what he needed most. “We don’t have to do this, Cas,” Dean said quietly, withdrawing his hand. “I don’t want to force you if you’re not comfortable. I promised I’d never do anything like that again and I meant it.”

Castiel considered this. “No,” he said finally. “No, I want to do this. Just…go slowly, okay? One step at a time.”

Dean smiled. “If you’re sure. I just know that I love you, okay?” he said, moving closer again. “If I do anything you don’t like, just tell me.”

Cas nodded and lifted his arms to wrap them around Dean’s neck and pull him back into a long, slow kiss. The skin of Dean’s arms were hot to the touch, and Cas felt like it was burning him up with every inch of his own skin pressed against Dean’s. 

It wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling, he realized. That familiar tightening in his stomach had returned as Dean moved his mouth down to Cas’s collarbone, nipping and licking the skin and bringing his fingers down to the buttons on Castiel’s shirt. He paused for a fraction of a second as if still seeking permission and Castiel let out a soft noise of approval. 

Dean moved slower, pressing his mouth to each slip of exposed skin, as if he were trying to map every inch of Castiel’s body. Cas quivered. The fire that had started low in his gut had now spread to his crotch, leaving a very obvious bulge in his jeans. Dean didn’t seem to have noticed, or he was making a point not to direct his attention to it, and it was driving Castiel slightly mad. After five minutes of fumbling with the buttons of Castiel’s shirt, he had finally succeeded in removing Castiel’s shirt and he gazed down at the pale expanse of skin in awe. 

“You’re beautiful, Cas. Really, you are.” he murmured. Castiel could feel his cheeks reddening. No one had ever looked at him that way before or said those words in such earnest. He had no idea how to respond except to tug on Dean’s arms to pull him back down for another kiss. Dean kissed him back then moved his lips back down to Castiel’s chest, sucking his skin softly, littering it with small red marks. 

“Dean…,” he groaned, sliding his hands under the hem of Dean’s shirt and pushing it up desperately. Dean rocked back on his knees and pulled the shirt off before returning his lips and hands to Castiel’s body. Cas thought he heard him murmuring against his skin, words that sounded like _beautiful_ and _mine_ , but the heat had reached a fever pitch so he couldn’t be sure – the only thing he could concentrate on was the _feeling_. He bucked up against Dean’s thigh, which was nestled between his legs, and hissed at the burn of pleasure. 

He felt wild, unrestrained, and desperate. He had never felt desire like this: all-consuming. He felt like someone different and simultaneously like he was suddenly, finally, entirely _himself_. 

“ _Dean_.” he pleaded quietly, fumbling with the button and fly on the older man’s jeans. He bent over Castiel again, and worked his jeans and underwear down his legs. Cas lifted his hips to allow him to remove them completely. For a moment he paused; he was naked in front of another boy for the first time in his life and he could feel his cheeks reddening at the thought. Dean swept his fingers across his red face gently and grinned. 

“Absolutely perfect.” he whispered, dipping down to brush his lips where his hand had been a moment before. 

“Dean, I—I,” Cas mumbled, his voice shy. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Castiel nodded honestly and Dean nodded silently in return. He reached over to his bag in the front seat began to dig through its contents for lube and a condom. 

“I need to get you ready, Cas,” Dean said softly, reaching out to wrap a warm hand around Castiel’s hardness. Castiel instinctively bucked up into the touch, thankful for the pressure. “You have to relax for me. It might hurt a bit at first but if you relax and trust me, I’ll make you feel so good. I promise.”

Cas bit his lip as Dean stroked him a few more times, slow and deliberate, then moved his hand down, lightly brushing Castiel’s inner thigh, before running the tip of one finger lightly around the rim of Castiel’s hole. 

“You have to tell me you trust me, Cas. I need you to trust me.” Dean said and his voice was suddenly just as wrecked as Castiel’s had been. Cas sucked in a deep breath, forcing his muscles to relax. He wasn’t going to fuck this up again. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake he made at that stupid party.

“I trust you, Dean,” he whispered, shutting his eyes and leaning his head back on the leather seat, bracing himself. 

He heard Dean uncap the bottle of lube and slick up his fingers. He waited, but felt nothing except for the heat emanating from Dean’s body. 

“Look at me, Cas,” Dean said firmly. Cas opened his eyes and fixed them on Dean’s green ones. “Keep your eyes on me.”

Dean lowered his hand between Castiel’s legs again, barely ghosting the skin of this inner thigh and tracing his rim once more. This time, however, Cas felt him push the tip of his finger in gently, willing Castiel’s body to open for him. Dean’s eyes never left his and he began purring soft words of encouragement. “That’s it, baby. Just relax. So good, you’re so good, so beautiful…”

Cas focused on the sound of Dean’s voice and willed his breathing to stay steady, willed his body to remain relaxed, but the more he focused on what was happening, the more tense he found himself becoming. 

His eyes threatened to close but he forced himself to keep them open and fixed on Dean. Dean slid his finger out slowly, almost all the way, then back in with a little force. Cas bit down hard on his lip but nodded minutely, a signal that Dean could continue. Dean worked that first finger in and out of Castiel’s tight channel for several minutes before adding a second. Castiel was well beyond the press of pain and was panting and gasping at each stroke, rolling his hips down onto Dean’s hand. 

“Dean,” he choked out, lifting his hand to push his hair off his sweat-sheened forehead. “Dean, now. Please. I need…more. I need you.”

Dean stroked Castiel’s thighs gently, leaning in to press kisses to his damp skin. He added a third finger, very nearly sending Cas over the edge, before finally pulling his hand away completely and rolling on the condom. Cas watched him add more lube to the condom as well and then Dean was lowering himself to Cas, lifting and spreading Castiel’s legs wider and settling between them. He pressed the head of his dick against Cas’ open hole. 

Despite his prep, Cas was still unbelievably tight and he had to work slowly as he pushed in, taking deep, steadying breaths with every inch. Finally, he bottomed out and he took a moment to catch his breath and examine his boyfriend. Castiel’s eyes were still open, still trained on Dean and Dean smiled and touched his mouth to Castiel’s in a chaste but passionate kiss. 

“I love you, Cas,” Dean said against his mouth and he tasted Castiel’s response as he licked into his mouth and kissed him again. 

“You can move now,” Cas said, running his fingers through Dean’s hair. “I need you to move.”

Dean nodded breathlessly and moved out slowly before thrusting back in deep, sending a shiver through Castiel’s skin. Dean set a rhythm, slow and sweet, spurred on by Cas’ breathing. 

“Move with me, Cas,” he said gently, sliding his hands under Castiel’s hips, teaching him how. Cas picked up the motion on his own and met Dean thrust for thrust, leaving them both gasping as they tumbled towards release. Dean tried to maintain a speed that wasn’t uncomfortable for Cas but Cas spurred him on, digging his fingers into Dean’s shoulders and begging for more in a wrecked voice. Dean picked up speed, his thrusts becoming erratic and Cas could tell he was close.

“Cas…” Dean reached between them and wrapped Castiel’s flushed dick in his hand, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Castiel’s nerves were livewires, his whole body riding the edge of oblivion. Dean thrust in deep, once, twice and Cas’ vision blurred and whited around the edges as he came in hot, sticky burst. Dean groaned loudly as Cas clenched around him and came too, riding his orgasm out as long as he could, clutching Cas close to him. 

***

It was several minutes before either of them could breathe properly again, Dean a heavy but welcome weight on Castiel’s chest. Dean pulled out of Castiel’s body slowly, and the younger boy sighed at the loss. 

___________________________________________________________________

Dean climbed off from on top of Castiel and sat down, grabbing his clothes from where they were lying across the front seat. Castiel watched him dressing himself from where he was sitting and realized that Dean really wasn’t very happy at all. He climbed out of the car without giving Castiel a second look and shut the door so he was all alone again. Castiel dressed himself quickly too and climbed out of the car after him.

He was sitting a couple of meters away with his head against his knees and a cigarette balanced between his fingers. At first Castiel was uncertain as to whether or not he should approach him, but the sudden movement in his shoulders and the hand than ran through his own hair let Castiel know that he wasn’t okay sitting there all alone.

As Castiel approached him he could hear him crying softly to himself, and the sound alone was enough to make Castiel’s heart hurt.

“Dean?”

He didn’t look up as Castiel sat beside him on the grass.

“What’s the matter? Wasn’t that good enough?”

Dean looked over at Castiel and smiled a genuine but teary-eyed smile. “No, Cas, it was perfect, okay? It was _perfect_.”

“Then why are you crying?” Castiel asked quietly. It was hard seeing Dean cry like that; he was so used to Dean being the one who comforted, not the one who needed comforting.

Dean took a long drag from his cigarette blew the smoke out slowly before he finally spoke: “I’m gonna miss you like hell, Cas. It’s gonna be hard enough leaving you for a week and a half to visit Bobby, but then I’m going to go back to Michigan and I don’t know how long it will be before I see you again. Doing that with you just now…I’ve never felt like that before and I’m scared we’ll never get to do it again. When I go back to Michigan there’s a chance of us never seeing each other ever again and that scares me to death.”

Castiel began to cry too, and Dean put and arm around him to pull him close. They stayed sat like that for a while; just crying into each other’s shoulders until Castiel began to shiver and Dean knew it was time to take him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Laura for writing the smut for me because I find it too awkward writing stuff like that myself.  
> You should check out her AO3 account (Casti_elofKrypton_18) because her writing is awesome, and follow her tumblr (cassafrassbutt.tumblr.com) :) Thank you!!! Hope you liked this chapter


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter so I apologise, but the next two chapters are going to be pretty important and I've already started working on them to make up for the time it took for me to finally get round to updating this. Filler chapter or not, I hope this is okay.

At first it was just an excuse for not leaving the house, but after a couple of days Castiel _really_ did begin to feel ill.

He thought that maybe it was just him missing Dean that caused his stomach to hurt so bad, or maybe the looming inevitability of Dean leaving for Michigan that made him feel sick with dread. He even considered his illness having something to do with stress or paranoia from wondering when Sam and his friends would next attack the house with eggs or toilet paper.

Either way, he found himself stuck on the sofa under a mountain of blankets wishing he had Dean to kiss his head and make him feel better. His mother kept urging him to at least make an _attempt_ to get off the sofa for an hour or two, even if it was just to show his older brothers around the town or to get lunch out somewhere, but he refused and resigned himself to his room. When he locked himself in his room his brothers would frequently attempt to talk to him or get him to open the door, so instead he found the headphones Dean had left behind and listened to Bowie as loud as his pounding head would allow.

After nearly a week of his illness, he began to lose the ability to hold down food. Every meal he ate would sure enough come back up within a couple of minutes, and he decided after a while that it would be better for everybody if he didn’t even try to hold it down anymore. He began to lose his appetite anyway, and he just wished more than ever that Dean would come back from South Dakota soon and make him feel better again, even if that meant it was only for the week they had left together.

Dean had been staying with Bobby for eight days when he finally called, and Castiel managed to find what little energy his body held in order to run downstairs as fast as he could to take the phone from Lucifer (who seemed to be talking to Dean about baseball or football or music or something).

“ _Dean_.” Castiel grinned with a sigh of relief, sitting himself down in the hard wooden chair that sat next to the phone in the hallway.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean replied. He sounded relaxed and Castiel momentarily envied him. “How are you? Your brother said you were sick.”

“Mmhm.”

“Well I’ll be home soon, okay? Just try and hold on ‘till then. Bobby’s helping be sort some things, you know, back-up plans in case my whole life turns to shit if dad decides he doesn’t want to pay my college fees anymore.”

“I know its important stuff, Dean. I just miss you.”

Dean sighed. “I miss you too, Cas. I miss you like _crazy_. Every night I wake up thinking you’re gonna be there beside me, and every night I’m all alone and it hurts like hell. Now that you’re sick I just wanna be with you more than ever. I just wanna look after you and make you soup and keep you warm until you feel better again.”

“You’re gonna have to get used to sleeping alone.” Castiel said quietly. “We _both_ are.”

Dean huffed again and Castiel imagined him rolling his eyes, but he could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. “You’re so negative.”

Castiel shrugged in silent agreement.

“But I guess you’re right, so I guess that just means I’m going to have to visit you every chance I get. We don’t have to think about that just yet, though. The only thing that matters right now is _you_.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.” Dean laughed. “I’ve organised something for us for my last weekend in Kansas.”

“Do I get a hint?”

“Nope. It’s going to be surprise, okay? I’ve wanted to do this since before I can remember and I decided our last weekend together would be the perfect couple of days to do it.”

“I’m kind of nervous now.” Castiel smiled. 

“Don’t be, it’s going to be perfect. I just hope you get better soon, okay? I don’t like knowing I can’t be there to make you feel okay again. Three more days, okay? Three days and I’ll be there with you.”

“Mmmkay.”

“Has Sam been bothering you again?”

“His friends egged the house again on Sunday but dad didn’t see Sam when he chased them down the street.”

“That son-of-a-bitch knows what he’s doing.” Dean muttered. “Bobby’s gonna come back down to Kansas with me anyway to try and talk some sense into those bastards. They shouldn’t be bothering you much longer, okay?”

“Okay.” Castiel said quietly. And then even more quietly he whispered, “I love you.”

There was a slight pause before finally Dean answered, “I love you too.” And Castiel could tell he was being sincere.

***

When Dean finally returned from South Dakota, Castiel’s parents let him stay in the spare room for his final days in Lawrence on the terms that he 1) slept in his own bed at night and 2) helped wash up after meals. Of course Dean accepted their generous offer, and Castiel wouldn’t stop coming up with numerous ways to sneak around the first rule. Bobby stayed over at the Winchester’s house in the room that had belonged to Dean once upon a time. Most of Dean’s belongings had been thrown away anyway.

Castiel was still ill by the time Dean came home. Neither of them particularly cared about being temporarily house-bound during the summer heat by Castiel’s illness because it just mean they had more of an excuse to sit on the sofa lying close together watching endless episodes of Friends (much to Dean’s disapproval of the latter, of course). Dean actually kind of liked looking after Castiel more then he usually did; he liked the fact that the younger boy was now _his_ responsibility. It was his job to make him soup and get him glasses of water when his parents were out at work. He liked to pretend that that was what life would be like if he was to marry Castiel; he’d look after him every second of the day and get him whatever he wanted when he needed it.

“Who even keeps a duck in a New York City apartment?” Dean sighed after the tenth episode of Friends that day.

Castiel shrugged. “It’s Joey, what do you expect? I want a duck when we live in our own apartment.” 

“We won’t be living in an apartment, Cas. I’m gonna get us a huge, three story riverside house in Rhode Island with a dock out front and a little boat and _everything_.” Dean smiled, looking across at Castiel. “We can re-enact that scene from the Notebook in the river with the cute wooden boat with the ducks swimming around us.”

“Well then I’m _definitely_ getting a duck.” Castiel laughed. “Besides, I can’t believe someone like _you_ has read the Notebook.”

“You kidding? That book is awesome. You’re missing out.”

“It’s not my sort of thing.” Castiel said. “I guess that doesn’t really surprise me though because _you’re_ the romantic one.”

“Then what does that make you?”

“The unsuspecting victim?” Castiel laughed. “I don’t know, Dean. There’s nothing wrong with being romantic anyway.”

“I know, I know. I’ll get you your stupid duck.” Dean said, leaning over to kiss Castiel just once on the neck.

***

Time passed quicker than either of them had hoped, and suddenly Dean only had three days left before he was due to leave for Michigan. As soon as Castiel woke up and saw the date on the calendar he sat on his bed and cried as loud as he dared with Dean sleeping in the next room. He didn’t want to Dean to see him crying. He didn’t want to seem so pathetic, but the truth was that he was absolutely terrified at the possibility of losing contact with Dean after he’s gone. Spending time with Dean made him happier than anything ever had before; one moment in a coffee shop two weeks before summer vacation had surely changed his life forever, and he knew it too well.

Deep down he wished he’d never let Dean give him his number. He wished he’d just told the older stranger to leave him alone. After all, why on earth would a grown man hit on a seventeen year old boy like that? Castiel knew he shouldn’t have let their relationship get out of hand like this; he knew he should’ve left it as a summer romance and nothing more, but it was too late. Whether or not he liked it, he knew that deep down he _loved_ Dean. Not some stupid teenage love, but the type that you remember for the rest of your life. 

Castiel Novak was in love with Dean Winchester, and Dean Winchester loved him back just as much.

***

Castiel was finally well enough to leave the house and badgered his parents into giving him money so he could go out into town with Dean and get lunch. They sat together at the back of some café where Dean knew one of the waitresses and shared a bowl of fries between them. Castiel vaguely recognised the waitress from Dean’s house party as the one that had referred to him as ‘cute’. He now knew her name to be Jo and she was Dean’s next door neighbour.

“Dean was _the_ biggest man-slut in high school.” Jo laughed from where she had sat beside Castiel on her break. “I was the only one who knew about him and all the football players he fucked in the locker rooms. It wasn’t just guys from our school either; it was any guy from any school playing on our pitch that Dean liked the look of. He even had some weird way of convincing the straight guys to have sex with him. It was weird.”

“They were all up for it once I convinced them nobody would ever find out. I’m pretty sure I turned half of them gay anyway.” Dean shrugged. 

“Nobody ever found out apart from _me_.” Jo said. “I was looking for our quarterback after a match one day because the coach was looking for him, and I found him in the showers with Dean’s dick in his mouth.”

Castiel laughed. 

“The quarterback and I were a frequent thing.” Dean explained. “It happened so often that I’m _sure_ he had a thing for me.”

“But isn’t he engaged to Meg?” Jo frowned.

“No, he’s engaged to Charlie – the redhead lesbian from the grade above. Well, she _was_ a lesbian until that engagement was announced.”

“Wait, didn’t _you_ and Charlie get together at a party once?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows Jo.

She looked up and her face suddenly reddened. “What? No! Well, maybe once. She was my best friend and she was lonely…what else was I supposed to do?”

Dean laughed and so did Castiel.

“Fair enough.” Dean sighed happily, sipping his glass of orange juice. “I actually kind of miss high school.”

Jo smiled. “Me too. Now I’m stuck in the same shitty town working at my dad’s café while the rest of my friends are either engaged or on their final year of college. It’s scary how fast everybody’s grown up.”

***

After lunch they walked home through the park together enjoying the summer heat they appeared to have missed. They didn’t talk as they made their way home; they just kept their thoughts to their selves and made the most of each other’s company while they had it. Sixty hours was all they had left together, and neither of them wanted to spoil their remaining time with meaningless words.

***

“Ready for your surprise tomorrow?” Dean asked quietly under the thin sheets of Castiel’s bed. It was two AM and they had learnt that Castiel’s parents stopped checking that they were sleeping in their own beds at one-thirty when they went to bed.

“Mmhmm.” Castiel mumbled sleepily. “I hope it’s as good as you’ve made it out to be.”

“Well I just hope you like it.” Dean smiled. “It’s going to be the perfect way to say goodbye.”

Castiel shifted his body so he was propped up on one elbow. “Should probably sleep now so I’m not too tired for whatever you’ve got planned then.”

“Good idea.” Dean yawned. 

Castiel leaned down to kiss him softly and pulled away momentarily so he could feel Dean’s gentle breathing against his bottom lip. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Cas.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter...or is it...?

Dean set off at around midday in order to set up his surprise for Castiel. The only clue that Dean had given him was that he needed to grab something big from the garage of his old home while his parents were at work so that they wouldn’t know, but even that left Castiel as clueless as he’d been before.

Castiel spent the day helping his brothers pack their belongings for when they were both due to return home that day, as well as packing a bag of things for himself that Dean told him he’d need for the night. Nothing about the list of things he’d need gave away the surprise: a warm jumper, clothes to sleep in and whatever clothes he’d need for the next day. It was a weird feeling knowing that, in little over twenty-four hours, Dean would be on his way back to Michigan and he was wasting the time on his own packing a stupid bag.

***

After Lucifer and Gabriel had returned home, it was finally time for Dean to pick Castiel up. He sat nervously on the bottom step of the stairs watching the front door for Dean’s familiar silhouette to make it’s way up the driveway and ring the doorbell. He’d been sat there on the bottom step nearly an hour early to be sure he wouldn’t keep Dean waiting, and as every minute passed his legs became more restless and his palms began to sweat.

At seven o’clock in the evening Dean arrived. He was dressed in a white button down and black jeans with a pair of boots that Castiel had never seen so clean.

“You ready?” Dean asked shyly.

Castiel nodded eagerly and lifted his bag onto his shoulder. Dean took the bag from him and carried it out to the car instead, and Castiel found the little gesture made him blush more than he had in a long time. After quickly saying goodbye to his parents - who also had no idea where the hell Dean was taking their son - the two set off in Dean’s Impala down the highway. 

“I made a little something for you.” Dean said, digging a small rectangular box from his pocket and passing it over to Castiel sitting in the passenger seat beside him.

Castiel took the small box and tore the paper (which appeared to be Christmas wrapping paper) away, to reveal a small cassette tape.

“It’s a playlist of all my favourite Bowie songs.” Dean said proudly. “All the ones that remind me of you: ‘Rebel Rebel’, ‘Modern Love’, ‘Heroes’, ‘Ziggy Stardust’, you know, the best ones.”

Castiel smiled up and Dean and reached up to kiss his cheek. “Thanks Dean. It’s perfect.” He said as he loaded it into the cassette deck, re-wound the tape to the beginning, and pressed play. The audio crackled momentarily before the beginning of ‘Modern Love’ began to fill the speakers. They each took turns at singing the verses then joined together to sing the chorus and Castiel swore to god he’d never laughed so much in such a long time. 

Once the song finally finished it was followed by the less energetic ‘Heroes’, and Castiel sighed happily before leaning back into his chair, gazing out at the orange of the sky as the sun set.

“Where are we _actually_ going?” Castiel yawned. 

“Just wait and see, okay?”

“We’ve been in the car for nearly an hour.” The younger boy sighed.

“Almost there. Just a couple more minutes.”

***

Castiel wasn’t actually sure how much time had passed when he woke. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, but the next thing he knew he found Dean leaning over him gently shaking him to wake him up.

“Baby, we’re here.”

Castiel stretched his arms and climbed out the passenger door. As his eyes began to adjust to the darkness he found that he was standing on grass and the faint sound of calm water could be heard few metres away. Castiel looked up at the scene in front of him and found he was standing opposite a vast expanse of water reflecting the moon and the millions of stars that were always hidden by the musky night sky of the city back home. 

“It’s beautiful.” Castiel breathed. He felt Dean take his hand and lead him further down the lake’s edge to where a small tent was sitting peacefully, emitting a faint orange glow.

Inside the tent the floor was laid out with blankets and pillows with a small stash of beer sitting in one corner and a bag of Castiel’s favourite tortilla chips sitting in the other. Castiel sat down on one side of the tent and Dean handed him a can of beer as he sat down opposite him.

“Do you like it? I’ve been wanting to do this for a while”

“I love it.” Castiel grinned shyly. “It’s perfect.”

***

After nearly two cans of beer each, the both of them stripped down into their boxers and decided to swim in the lake for a little while as the summer heat still hung heavy in the night air. 

Dean near-sprinted into the black water as Castiel stayed tentatively at the water’s edge, feet occasionally covered as the water lapped the grassy shore.

“Coming in or not?” Dean called. Castiel watched as he held his breath and plunged his whole body into the cold water. When he re-emerged Castiel couldn’t help but laugh at shocked expression on Dean’s face as he shook the water from his eyes. “Jesus, fuck, it’s _cold_.” He panted.

“Looks it.” Castiel giggled.

“Now it’s your turn.” Dean winked.

“I…I don’t know.” Castiel frowned, teasing the deeper water with his toe. “I didn’t bring a towel or anything.”

“You can use mine.” Dean said. “Come _on_. It’ll be fine.”

Castiel bit his lip and looked out at Dean. Dean slowly made his way out of the water and smirked at the younger boy before finally breaking into a run. Castiel realised what Dean was doing and began to laugh as the older boy neared closer and closer and closer until Dean’s cold, wet arms hooked around Castiel’s waist in a grip he couldn’t escape if he tried.

“Dean!” Castiel giggled. “I don’t wanna get wet!”

“Too late!” Dean winked as he carried Castiel back into the water, kicking the icy water up into the air, only for it to rain back down on the both of them. Before Dean even managed to get Castiel into the water he was already soaked, and in the end Castiel’s only attempt at freeing himself from Dean’s arms was to tickle him. 

Dean’s arms spasmed in an attempt to get Castiel hands from his ribs, causing Castiel to fall right out of his grip and into the water with a huge splash. When Castiel broke the surface half-choking half-laughing, he jumped up and grabbed Dean’s shoulders, pulling him down too. Finally both boys were in the icy water, shivering and grinning and trying to stop the dull ache setting into their stomachs from laughing too hard.

Dean reached out for Castiel and pulled him close again. Castiel’s legs found their way around Dean’s waist and they both stayed there bobbing in the icy black looking across at one another. Shyly, Castiel placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss his nose as Dean’s hands gently found their way to his waist. Castiel wondered how long the breathless feeling would last because, more than anything, he just wanted to kiss Dean again and make the most of their last night together. But every time he tried to find the courage to move even a millimetre closer, he was overwhelmed by a feeling in his chest and a cold sensation spreading across his skin, erupting into goose bumps.

“Whatever happens after I leave, I just want you to know that the time I’ve spent with you this summer has been the best time of my life.” Dean said quietly. “And leaving you is never an option I’d choose if I had it.”

“It’s okay, Dean. I understand. I do.” Castiel said sadly.

“I’m breaking your heart by leaving.”

“So?” Castiel mumbled. “We both knew this day was going to come.”

“I know.” Dean sighed. “If you move on and find someone else once I’m gone, just…know that what I want most is for you to be happy. I don’t want you to live the next year on the off chance that you’re still going to be in love with me when it’s over. I want you to just be happy. Do whatever you can to be happy, okay, for me?”

Castiel nodded but his heart felt numb. “Don’t you get to be happy too?”

“If I come back and you’ve moved on, I’ll know that it’s for the best and I’ll be able to move on with my own life. And then I’ll be able to finally be happy.”

Castiel reached out and ran a thumb over Dean’s cheek then rested his head on the older boy’s shoulder as he began to cry. That was the moment Dean decided that they’d been in the water long enough.

***

They lay together wrapped up in hoodies and joggers under layers of blankets, faces inches apart. Dean pulled himself up over Castiel and carefully lowered himself over the younger boy so he could kiss him with ease, letting his hands trace Castiel’s ribs and muscles. They kissed slowly. So slowly, in fact, that Castiel sometimes wondered if Dean was pausing like that for so long on purpose. Sometimes Dean would nip Castiel’s bottom lip, other times his ear, but Castiel didn’t mind. He just liked being close to Dean. He liked touching Dean – not in an undignified way – but in an attempt somehow get to know him even better than he already did. He liked hearing Dean call him ‘beautiful’, or ‘gorgeous’, or ‘perfect’. He just liked hearing Dean’s soft, broken voice.

The dim orange of the flickering lanterns that hung suspended from the poles of the tent made Dean’s skin appear even softer than it had before; shadows cast off the perfect shape of his brow and jaw across his delicate cheeks. Castiel found it beautiful the way his eyes were wide with a sort of lost naïvety that seemed so out of place as they kissed; it was as if Dean was a teenager again, experiencing something new and exciting that he’d never felt before.

And then it turned desperate.

Hands fought for their place and their legs tangled between another as they willed that moment to last forever, or at least until they grew too old to carry on. Heart beats pounded heavy against each other and pulses rose to an almost uncomfortable speed but neither of them noticed enough to care. Dean’s hands fumbled through Castiel’s hair as the younger boy placed heavy kisses down his neck and chest, and then his collar bones and arms until he came across the tattoo Dean had given himself of Castiel’s initials in a heart. When Castiel found that, he suddenly stopped moving and replaced his mouth carefully over Dean’s, resuming the slow, loving kisses from before.

It was five in the morning when they finally grew too tired to continue. Instead they curled up beside eat other and drew invisible patterns on each other’s skin as they watched the sun rise through the small gap in the tent’s doorway. Neither of them had the energy to say a word and the dread of the departure that stood only hours away loomed over both of them. The only thing they could think to do was close their eyes and hope there was some way, _any_ way, that would mean they would they never have to leave each other’s sides.

***

The car journey home was not how either of them had expected it to go.

“Why do you have to keep saying you love me?” Castiel spat. “You’re leaving now anyway, so you might as well get over it.”

“You think I _want_ to leave?” Dean replied. “You think I’d ever do this to us on purpose?”

“I don’t know! All I do know is that if you really loved me you’d find a way to stay.”

“IF I REALLY LOVED YOU?” Dean yelled. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  You don’t think I love you? You think I risked my relationship with my entire family for nothing?! Are you even listening to yourself?”

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST PULL OVER AND DUMP ME AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD? IT WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU LEFT ME THERE TO ROT AND DIE!”

“For fuck’s sake, Castiel!” Dean spat, gripping with the steering wheel with so much anger that it turned his knuckles white. “You’re acting like a pathetic little kid.”

“That’s because I AM a kid!” Castiel cried. “I’m stupid fucking kid! AND _YOU_ RUINED MY LIFE!”

“Whoa, what the _fuck_?! I ruined your life? I’m sorry, have your father and brother completely turned their backs on you? Did your own father tell you to leave his house and never come back? NO. Mine did. And I accepted him saying that to me, telling me to leave, just so I could be with you. So don’t you _dare_ tell me I ruined _your_ life. Don’t you _dare_ make it seem like _you’re_ the victim here because you’re not. We _both_ are. Whether we like it or not.”

“Pull over.” Castiel said, desperately trying to stop himself from crying. “Stop the fucking car.”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere.” Dean said, wiping his own tears away with his shoulder as he kept his eyes on the road.

“I SAID STOP THE FUCKING CAR.” 

Dean slammed the breaks so hard he nearly hit his own head on the steering wheel in front of him. A strong smell of burnt rubber began to seep into the car, and Castiel threw the door open and stormed out. Luckily they appeared to be the only people on the goddamned road, so Dean didn’t have to worry about Castiel getting knocked down as he sprinted away.

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?” Dean yelled at Castiel as he ran.

Castiel stopped momentarily to look back at him. “AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE!” the younger boy screamed.

“WE’RE MILES FROM _ANYWHERE_!”

“I DON’T CARE!” Castiel cried. “I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!”

Dean stood there helpless, hands behind his head as Castiel ran down the empty highway in the blistering summer heat. Even from a couple of hundred metres away Dean could still hear him crying and it made his own heart ache. 

“CASTIEL!” Dean yelled, face wet with tears that just kept on coming. “I’M SORRY, OKAY? I’M SORRY I RUINED YOUR LIFE! I JUST LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN AND I _NEED_ YOU.”

Castiel stopped dead in his tracks and dropped to his knees. Dean sprinted up after him to where the boy was now lying with his head against the hot ground in utter defeat, as if he’d finally lost all will to live. The younger boy protested quietly as Dean pulled him into his lap and held his head against his chest. 

“I’m sorry.” Castiel cried, clutching Dean’s shirt in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Shh, Cas, it’s _okay_. It’s _okay_ , I _love_ you.”

Castiel cried harder, words almost unrecognisable between fits of sobs that racked his body. “I love y-you too. So much… _Please_ don’t leave.”

Dean hid his face in Castiel’s hair as he mumbled. “I’m _sorry_.”

***

The August air felt unwelcome as Castiel clung tightly to Dean in the middle of his driveway. Even his father and Sam and found it in them to say goodbye before Dean embarked on his thirteen hour drive back to Michigan. Nobody said much as they hugged, though; not even Dean could find it in himself to make a light-hearted joke to soften the mood. Castiel didn’t care. The only thing Castiel could think about as Dean finally pulled away was how much it hurt like hell to be only a couple of inches apart; he didn’t care about the looks Sam was giving him or the disapproving glare John shot him from behind. The only thing that he cared about was that moment.

“So,” Dean sighed. “I guess this is it.”

Castiel looked down at his feet. “I guess it is. Promise me you’ll be back.”

“I promise. Just know that I won’t blame you for moving on if you do.”

Castiel nodded slightly.

“Just don’t stop listening to that mixtape I made you, okay?” Dean smiled. “And think of me when you’re listening to ‘Modern Love’ as you lay in bed missing me too much.”

Castiel laughed weakly. “Okay. Just promise you won’t forget me.”

“Forget you? How could I forget my future husband? I’ll be back for sure, kid. And when I’m back I’m never going to leave your side again.”

“Unless, of course, I move on.” Castiel joked.

“Yeah, unless you move on. Goodbye, Cas.” Dean smiled, placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. Just as he turned to leave, Castiel pulled him back and kissed him one last time on the mouth, slow, soft, but sure to remember the way that moment felt.

“I love you, Dean Winchester.”

“I love you too, Castiel.”

Castiel sighed as Dean looked away and made his way to his car. He felt Dean’s mother place a comforting hand on his shoulder as he stood there willing himself not to cry.

And then he was gone.

He got into his car, started the engine and then he was gone.

 

_“Never gonna fall for Modern Love.”_

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is kind of an extension to the final chapter, so if you're fine with the ambiguity of how the last chapter ended then you don't really have to read this. However if you want to know what happens after Dean leaves for Michigan then this is for you.

Dear Professor B. Armstrong, University of Michigan,

This was not an easy decision for me to make, but I’ve decided it is the best option for me, considering the things I want in my life and how I want to live it.

College is about bettering our chances of having a successful life; being able to meet lots of new people; doing things we’ve never dreamt of doing before, and setting ourselves up for the rest of our lives. However I’ve come to learn that there are somethings in life worth a lot more than a stupid qualification on a piece of paper. Why should I risk having the one thing I want more than anything else in the world, for a piece of paper supposedly making me more employable?

I don’t care about jobs. I don’t care about careers. What’s the point of having those things if I can’t be happy while I have them? You see, I know I’m on my final year of college, but I know that if I don’t do this – send this letter now – I will miss out on having something, or someone, I know I will never get the chance to have ever again. It may seem stupid or trivial to you that somebody is willing to scrap their whole college course on their final year just to be with someone, but then I guess you’ve never experienced what I experienced this summer.

This summer has been the first time in my life that I’ve felt responsible for someone else. Being with this one person made me realise that life is about more than just _myself_ and doing what’s best for _me_. Sure, this decision is half based on what _I_ want, but it’s also based on the fact I need to be there for somebody else for the first time in my life. They need _me_ to take care of them and I can’t do that being a thirteen hour drive away.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a decision I’ve made in the heat of the moment. I’ve been considering this option - dropping out of college – since I knew I’d gotten myself involved with a person I decided I never wanted to live without. I know my decision to return home will affect the rest of my life, but I also know that if I do leave and I get to be with this one person for the rest of my life I will have made the right decision. 

It’s not just what I want in my life that is contributing to my decision to leave. It’s already been two weeks into the semester and I haven’t yet had a full night’s sleep. Sitting in lectures, I’ve found myself no longer able to concentrate on a thing my lecturer is saying. Something affecting my health this profoundly is certainly a sign that being here is not what’s best for me.

I hope you see my reasons for dropping out are ones that are important to me and my wellbeing, and that I am fully aware of the consequences my actions may hold. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and for, hopefully, being able to understand my reasons for not being able to stay here in Michigan much longer.

Yours sincerely,

Dean Winchester 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this fic (it's probably my favourite I've written???) and if you could kudos it if you liked it or leave me a comment that would be awesome. If you want to read more of my stuff then go to my ficwad account Mcrmy_frankie (I made the account when I was 13 and it doesn't let you change the username so I apologise)  
> \- Thank you!! from Caitlin (whereareyoucas on twitter)


End file.
